Kids: Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in...

By Gameless Guy - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

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Kids

Taking stock

There's no helping some people

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Poowee - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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By Beantown girl - United States

Today, I was using my boyfriend's phone to call my mom. A text message arrived from "Christina" that said, "Just put the kids to bed, come over." He swears they're only work buddies, but refuses to tell her he has a girlfriend, to avoid making things weird at work. We've been together two years. FML

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By Ready to break up - 8/1/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Smells like victory

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

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By dazed and confused - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

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By Cail - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

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By Rubyscooby212 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

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By Katie - United States

The Bathtub Incident

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

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By pinkjade - Canada

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

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By Pooperscooper - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 22:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Gentle prank

Today, my little sister swapped out the hard white cheese on the meat-cheese platter with slices of white chocolate and put some Skittles into the bowl of M&M's. My limited circle of friends and family in our safe social pandemic bubble think it was me. FML

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By FutureMarine3658 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

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By boringhusband - United States - Salisbury

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

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By Nurse

Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML

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By caisse à outs - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

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By The Cat Tickler

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

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By shampoomice - United States - La Porte

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

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By not getting any

Weeks?

Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

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By PokeWife - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

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By whatnot - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

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By Cheap - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

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By DrunkPeopleSuck

Today, a customer at the bar I work at yelled at me for calling her "Ma'am." I asked what she'd prefer, and she gave me her name. When I called her by her name, she yelled at me for not calling her "Ma'am." FML

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By brokedad - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

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By PuppyLove2009 - United States

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

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By justfired - Canada

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

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By cmolloy - Ireland

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 09:57 - Argentina - Burzaco

The death of romance

Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML

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By JerseyGirl - United States

Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML

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By brunnells22 - 23/6/2020 23:00

Bob the Builder

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

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By marcy_89

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

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By jonas_93 - Canada

Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML

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By gotadirtydick

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

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By bubblewrap - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

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By talkssuck - United States

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

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Top comments

By Sargasm | 4

#734836 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:14

Soooo... how MUCH change can a toddler stuff into a Wii?!

By pattheaninal | 9

#734882 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:35

In Soviet Russia, Wii screws you!

COMMENTS

By josh78 | 0

#734805 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:04

so can you not put it back together?

sublime93 | 0

#734943 - Thursday 24 December 2009 21:16

They can't take it apart in the first place

EugenicMedic | 0

#736087 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:47

You deserve it for owning a wii you stupid piece of crap.

jikanganai | 0

#736484 - Friday 25 December 2009 23:31

#71:

Jealous much, asshole?

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#916319 - Friday 5 March 2010 8:05

lmao agree with 74, slow your roll 71 haha

kay71095 | 9

#4534276 - Thursday 7 June 2012 3:33

That happened to my friend..

By CallMeHush | 0

#734808 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:05

Radio Shack for special screwdrivers.

MooTaters | 0

#735205 - Friday 25 December 2009 0:22

Really...likely you just need a torx bit screw driver.(star shape) There are no screws out there that companies make special for products...just a waste of money. If anything they will just use a torx screw or then use loctite in the thread to try and keep you out.

CallMeHush | 0

#735741 - Friday 25 December 2009 8:46

Uhh, I've had to buy all sorts of special drivers and wrenches to repair electronic devices and very few of the very small tamper resistant drivers come in the big sets. What do I know though, I only fix things.

PohTayToez | 0

#735842 - Friday 25 December 2009 10:09

#44, If you're going to be a pretentious asshole, you should get your facts straight. Nintendo uses tri-wing screws on the Wii, which is much rarer than Torx. Only a handful of electronics companies use these screws, and you probably won't find the screwdriver in any common electronics store... you'd have to buy it online.

By sweetspicegirl | 0

#734814 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

not big deal bring it in to get fixed

By Mylife_is_so_fd | 0

#734816 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:06

dude just go to http://www.rapidrepair.com/shop/nintendo-repair-parts.html they should have everything you need to take it appar and fix it (i.e. the tri-wing screw driver required to take it appart)

HamsteronA | 0

#947478 - Sunday 14 March 2010 23:12

u are a walking spamming advert

By Bumlove89 | 0

#734825 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:08

At least he didnt stick it in his mouth and choked on it. YDI for not watching your child.

BritishHobo | 0

#734875 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:31

Or YDI for WATCHING your child and not stopping him. You can't really win here.

blland | 0

#734884 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:38

Or YDI for WATCHING your child, stopping him, and not succeeding in stopping him. You can't really win here.

maplebaby | 0

#735056 - Thursday 24 December 2009 23:01

Maybe it isn't his child. That would suck even more for him...
Even if it is his kid, maybe someone else was taking care of it.

By deathX | 0

#734826 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:09

Dude just take it in to get it fix

By deathX | 0

#734831 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:11

Dude just take it in to get it fix

By Sargasm | 4

#734836 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:14

Soooo... how MUCH change can a toddler stuff into a Wii?!

By relyo | 0

#734839 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:15

They make those special screws so toddlers can't do anything to them. Mabey your kids a genius, you ever think of that rather than coming here and crying about your ill fortune? YDI.

By area51avenger | 0

#734855 - Thursday 24 December 2009 20:24

Ya but you can buy those screwdrivers online cheap. Or at some hardware stores. Its a tri-wing screwdriver you're looking for