Miscellaneous: Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod...

By Anonymous - 23/06/2012 13:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 704

You deserved it 7 768

Miscellaneous

Triage

Good kid

Too clever

By Mandy - 22/12/2014 21:36 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 2 422

The call of the wild

By not outdoorsy - 10/07/2020 14:02

Today, I haven’t been camping since I was a kid. I decided to give it another shot. I bought all the best equipment, researched all the great locations, planned a whole weekend. Turns out I still fucking hate camping and now I’m out over $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 2 072

By ljjprchf - 13/12/2009 01:29 - Australia

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 159

You deserved it 13 770

You kinda deserved that one

By hlev24 - 03/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 142

You deserved it 109 953

By ALetterADay - 24/12/2017 01:30

Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 024

You deserved it 457

By bride - 14/02/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 948

You deserved it 10 054

New life

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 17:04 - Germany

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 970

You deserved it 365

By notanightowlanymore - 05/01/2016 17:44 - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 243

You deserved it 2 116

By Seanzy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 888

You deserved it 6 836

By Rowaelin16 - 23/09/2016 03:31 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 718

You deserved it 1 567

This Charming Man

By Sheev - 18/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 812

You deserved it 2 799

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 00:09 - Sweden

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 996

You deserved it 15 192

By Anonymous - 28/07/2014 02:48 - United States - Fresno

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 437

You deserved it 2 783

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 577

You deserved it 4 894

By What a happy day - 14/01/2013 17:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 479

You deserved it 3 766

By jll14 - 31/03/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 2 830

Caught

By luckoftheirish - 18/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that masturbating on an airplane isn't frowned upon like they say in the movie 'The Hangover'. It's actually illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 2 558

By Liah12 - 05/03/2016 13:52 - United States - Holt

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 923

You deserved it 1 509

By nobodyreadsmyemails - 27/10/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 912

You deserved it 44 007

By shit - 28/04/2016 11:05 - United States - Colonial Heights

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 897

You deserved it 8 068

Sneaky moggie

By wouldn'tyouliketoknow - 12/10/2019 02:00

Today, my neighbours were screaming for their "lost" cat again. I've already seen the cat multiple times. In my garden. Pissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 119

By whoopsiedoodle - 21/05/2009 12:45 - Canada

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 600

You deserved it 64 332

By SadIndianLife - 15/11/2015 21:00 - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 388

You deserved it 2 236

By HomeAlone - 24/04/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 851

You deserved it 21 187

By FUKDOUG - 15/01/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 575

You deserved it 28 334

By stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 255

You deserved it 3 224

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 3 608

By Sue Ellen - 21/04/2014 15:43 - United States - Providence

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 264

You deserved it 15 277

I'm not sad. Or am I?

By Dr Pepper - 22/05/2019 18:05

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 1 591

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 139

You deserved it 4 226

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 10:45 - United States

Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 3 139

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 206

Can't buy me love

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 04:02 - Japan - Okayama

Today, I realized while paying bills on my phone I fat-fingered which credit card I was paying and sent 299 to a paid-off card instead of 200 to another one. Now I'm going to have overdraft fees too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 397

By embarrassed - 18/08/2014 16:39 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 520

You deserved it 20 416

Benny Goodman classic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 14:29 - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 584

You deserved it 3 084

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 845

You deserved it 12 355

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 442

You deserved it 19 731

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Top comments

simonsaysYDI 8

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:41

Shaking an iPod makes you breath heavily? Maybe you need to do some more cardio =P

itssosparkly 21

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:41

It would have been better if they'd walked in and seen you breathing heavily in bed while looking at Smurfs.

simonsaysYDI 8

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:41

Shaking an iPod makes you breath heavily? Maybe you need to do some more cardio =P

Ajwc101 24

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:44

Are you sure you weren't having a little Fun under the covers OP? Jokes aside. Your life really sucks.

chris71sk8r 8

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Saturday 23 June 2012 18:20

Maybe he was shaking it fast. A little too fast. O_O

russfml 31

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Saturday 23 June 2012 18:22

You totally beat me to it lol.

Ajwc101 24

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:23

Oops. I meant say Are instead of If.

MatthewDmerrill 5

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:48

Did that blue stuff in your mouth come from a smurf? Pol

vanessaizawesome 8

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Saturday 23 June 2012 20:13

He's a fricken smurf murderer!!! OMG

BrokenDreamer24 14

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Saturday 23 June 2012 21:10

Angry Birds has the same affect on people. It gets they're blood pumping, hearts racing; So naturally you breath heavy and shake your apple/whatever other touch screen object around like a chronic masterbater.

unknown_user5566 26

Saturday 23 June 2012 23:58

55- Same with Fruit Ninja!

simonsaysYDI 8

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Sunday 24 June 2012 0:34

55 - I must be playing Angry Birds wrong

DespairFaction 11

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Sunday 24 June 2012 0:40

OP should get a shake weight.

Forlorn420 9

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Sunday 24 June 2012 2:06

Omg fruit ninja was the shit. Good times

ReesieBanana21 12

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Sunday 24 June 2012 2:22

How old are you?

mickyb10 13

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Sunday 24 June 2012 3:46

76- ur comment made my day

peachyFML 17

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Sunday 24 June 2012 4:04

It's a fun game. A little like the Sims, except with Smurfs.

CheesecakeTaco 3

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Sunday 24 June 2012 4:12

Lol, a smurf jizzed in 35's mouth. He looks happy about it though

emilyhg 8

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Sunday 24 June 2012 5:52

Ikr? How can u get tired from shaking an iPod?!?

pandapoof42 3

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Sunday 24 June 2012 7:02

lol exactly what I was going to say!!

hoedang 3

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Sunday 24 June 2012 22:07

so this "chat" was about getting more exercise right?

itssosparkly 21

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:41

It would have been better if they'd walked in and seen you breathing heavily in bed while looking at Smurfs.

43trauts 14

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:50

Considering that the mini-game takes place in Papa Smurfs house, it wouldnt be more fun. It would actually be kinda creepy.

TrueTriage 16

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Saturday 23 June 2012 18:01

*panting* go papa smurf go!!! (30 seconds later) YES I DID IT!!

IQWasJustLowered 0

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:41

or he was under the blankets playing.

PussyPredator 6

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Saturday 23 June 2012 23:43

13, why would you deface Deadmau5' head like that?

MrBrightside21 20

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Sunday 24 June 2012 19:53

18 - I laughed so hard to the idea of congratulating yourself after pleasuring yourself. YES I DID IT!!!

AKGirlinSD 20

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 10:58

18, Yay, some one agrees with me that the smurfs are some asexual sexy bitches *enters sarcasm*. Made my day laughing so hard!

JaykeXD 9

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:43

What smurfette is hot... XD

simonsaysYDI 8

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:44

No, no, it's all about papa smurf.

starwind3438 9

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:25

Of Papa Smurf doing Smurfette. Yea, I know, I killed it. I'm ready for the inevitable.

BabySparkle1 15

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:41

Only if it's Katy Perry :)

JoeRogansBEARD 15

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Saturday 23 June 2012 20:19

40 or Lexi belle;)

Forlorn420 9

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Sunday 24 June 2012 2:08

What the smurf? I'm going to smurfing smurf this thread. Smurf it I'm going home

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Sunday 24 June 2012 3:42

Only if what's Katy Perry? How does she fall into place here?

gehoy 0

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Sunday 24 June 2012 5:16

She voiced Smurfette in the latest movie.

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Sunday 24 June 2012 5:42

Oh disregard my last comment. I would never watch that movie, that's why I didn't know.

aylard 0

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:43

If THAT'S what you're into xD

MacintoshXD 0

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Sunday 24 June 2012 20:59

I love you :'(

aylard 0

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Monday 25 June 2012 9:37

What xD

dankpotatoes 2

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:43

Those smurfs just get me going(,

william8691 10

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:34

Skater chick from florida you're awesome. Nice pic.

dankpotatoes 2

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Sunday 24 June 2012 2:05

Wow thanks!(:

jenloveslaughs 6

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:44

When I read the 1st line I thought it was gunna go to you hearing them having sex...

xxmexx21 0

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Monday 25 June 2012 5:53

that happens to me :(

iamsolid 11

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:44

......Shaking an iPod should not make you breathe heavily...

onlychildFTW 33

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Sunday 24 June 2012 11:05

This sounds about right. But maybe while making the motion he got a little to happy.

Skittles_Rawr 8

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:45

You need to work out more :/

Ajwc101 24

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:46

If you sure you weren't having a little fun under the covers? Jokes aside your life sucks a lot.

pinecone1414 6

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Saturday 23 June 2012 18:29

Judging by your tongue, you were having some fun with a smurf ;)

aileen15 15

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Saturday 23 June 2012 18:49

lmfaoooo thts a good one @pinecone1414

birdcagereligion 10

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Saturday 23 June 2012 17:49

Play the game in front of them and show them what was going on!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 92

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 2 574

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