Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML
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Top comments
gusgus36 5
awkward. I'd be mad at him cuz that's really embarrassing. but hey. at least you did have an ******.
RedPillSucks 33
Ask him how many sea turtles he's been having sex with in order for him to gain this knowledge. Tell him that he probably needs to be checked for turtle aids, and that from now on, you're going to use a sea cucumber to please yourself.
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Comments (89)
HunniHeart 4
At least you're getting orgasms~ be happy and withhold sex from him for being a bitch about it.
crzyck83 0
That really sucks! I'd be pissed. I don't usually believe in it but this calls for revenge.
longo3 0
so funny haha
corambis 13
You should have told him that he's almost as good at faking your orgasms as you are.
iliketurdles 7
must resist urge.. ohh fack it.. I LIKE TURTLES (not in the same way as your boy friend).
lovin_my_marine 4
I just reread the FML. a beach sea turtle? that's very specific. Nd I wonder if he meant the way the turtle looks or sounds. lol
bryan1992 0
I'm sure it's how it would look on it's back trying to flip over haha
ROFLBERRYPIE 0
YDI ingrate. Sea turtles are smokin hott! They rock! This one sea turtle **** chick is super hot... her name is Mishell something. **off to watch sea turtle ****
FirstBornUnicorn 0
They actually sound like they're saying "wow".
Haackfam101 0
I wouldn't give him anymore sex, that's for sure! tell him if he wants it quiet... he can use his hand next time!
lovingmylife84 0
you mean ex-boyfriend.... right?!!
mr_erotic32 0
and its a bad thing because...