Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldn’t find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, my sister and brother in law went on holiday, so my 3 year-old nephew is staying with me while they’re gone. He walked in on me and my boyfriend while he was eating me out. It’s been an hour and he won’t stop crying. FML
Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “I need to check something down there.” I asked what but he just smiled and showed me the piece of gum he was chewing. He took a look and left to get the scissors. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML
Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Timmytwofinger 0
how the **** are you supposed to have fun with numbing lotion? thats like non-alcoholic beer.
ALQ_fml 13
Numbing lube is bad. You tear something, and you won't be able to feel it until later. Pain is a signal to your brain to let you know if you need to change what you're doing. Also, how'd your nephew get it?
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Comments (45)
MasterDood 0
your life doesnt suck. you were about to have sex. you arent a little kid who accidently ate a bottle of lube.
MukyDaCookie 0
I agree with #14, its more his FML than anything. "Today, I found a tube of something that tasted like bubblegum in my sisters' bedroom. I ate the whole bottle. It turned out to numbing lotion for her and her boyfriend, now I can't feel my face. FML"
domolovesyoshi 33
Aunties bedroom* the kid was OP's nephew
MannieSOxFresh 0
why was he qoinq thru your stuff anyway?
Honda288 2
Y r u talking lyke dis anyway? For goodness sake type like you have some sense.
AnnaSeptic 0
Yeah hahahaha what's the point of flavored numbing lotion? And poor little kid.
that_guy_you_are 0
At least he's lubed up now.
redbluegreen 40
Having been a curious little kid once, I'd discovered plenty of things in not only my own house, but several others far worse then lotion and lube in others. You should've probably had a box that can lock though for that sort of stuff. Not only would it be harder to get into, but you could probably tell if someone did succeed to get into it, and it would be the first place you'd look. I hope the kid was alright.
plaastik 0
what's wrong with you? if you got a little kid, or pretty much ANYONE else around, please watch where you leave stuff like that.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
YDI to you for not protecting better your personal stuff. HDI to the little shit for stealing your crap and trying to eat it too. He had it coming!! Hopefully it will teach him a lesson. A pity it wasn't a spicy burning gel of some sort.
lo1337a 1
That's loltastic.
fakename23 0
# 22 how can u say that ur just sick and cruel .
NiceGuyz 0
@25, Whats with the big space... This is a completely you deserve it, OP.