Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up...

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 077

You deserved it 6 001

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Same thing different taste

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 578

You deserved it 8 108

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 000

You deserved it 4 479

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 454

You deserved it 12 271

It's sus

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 117

You deserved it 10 347

By drooler - 06/08/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 307

You deserved it 40 760

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 227

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 538

You deserved it 4 560

By cutiekenz21 - 31/07/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 774

You deserved it 8 372

Thanks!

By uh-oh - 21/07/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 104

You deserved it 30 894

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 550

You deserved it 6 818

rgri 11

Saturday 7 December 2013 5:25

Try to convince him to wear a condom everytime he takes a nap, just to be safe.

ipierson 5

Saturday 7 December 2013 5:23

This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Comments

ZY1431 24

Saturday 7 December 2013 8:50

oh man how old is he?

Curlytwirly22 17

Saturday 7 December 2013 8:56

Tell him that you guys are done cuz he duuuuumb

flashback_fml 14

Saturday 7 December 2013 10:40

Dumbass

quackImapenguin 16

Saturday 7 December 2013 11:03

It's cute that he's being concerned for her. And yeah, he was probably disoriented because he just woke up.

DocBastard 38

Saturday 7 December 2013 11:08

Wow, 68 comments so far and no one has pointed out the grammar error yet? I'm disappointed in every one of you. No gold stars for you. *swum

glabberfasted 16

Saturday 7 December 2013 12:00

Swam is correct...

an3ph 20

Saturday 7 December 2013 11:40

There's a reason these are called "boy" friends. Do yourself a favor and find yourself a man.

Shandra78 9

Saturday 7 December 2013 13:02

Yeah, I've heard sex education is pretty limited in the south.

timss4 19

Saturday 7 December 2013 13:21

You should've gone crazy baby mama on him, you'll never get a chance like that again lol

imbedderdenu 23

Saturday 7 December 2013 13:24

sounds like a keeper

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 7 December 2013 14:29

That's a bit out there...and I can't really imagine how that might have been for you to explain to him OP...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 263

You deserved it 14 936

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 383

You deserved it 4 153

The Top

Today, the eczema on my hands is so bad that my phone's touch screen didn't want acknowledge my fingers as human skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 67

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 088

You deserved it 2 893

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 116

Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 1 226

Today, and every day this week, my office mate has decided to "liven up the place" by singing and whistling Christmas tunes and other unknown songs. She has zero musical ability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 789

You deserved it 654

Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 329