Intimacy: Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Shingle Springs

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 55

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 143

16/02/2015 16:39 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 971

You deserved it 4 418

Good kid

This Charming Man

Weird reason to leave, but OK

28/09/2016 12:08 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 325

You deserved it 2 452

06/10/2012 07:12 - Canada - Westlock

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 184

You deserved it 1 768

03/09/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 797

You deserved it 3 804

Inappropriate

By Abandonedandbroke - 09/06/2021 03:59

Today, my husband quit his teaching job, the job putting bread and butter on the table for our family. The reason? He wants to date one of his students he’s been seeing on the side, and wants to make the relationship "official and ethical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 93

13/05/2016 09:10 - Australia - Seymour

Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 120

You deserved it 1 985

21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 088

You deserved it 2 578

Thanks De Beers

By Anonymous - 31/08/2021 19:01

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the biggest, tackiest, most Geordie Shore-style ring I’ve ever seen. I said yes because I love him, but this thing is twice as wide as my finger and just looks horrible compared to the solitaire ring I told him I really liked. I’m embarrassed to be seen wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 378

08/01/2014 04:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 952

You deserved it 4 335

20/02/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 626

You deserved it 7 510

Hello?

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 04:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my friend's phone rang in class and my teacher thought it was me, so now I have detention for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 81

Torn

By VaveJessop - 05/05/2020 20:00

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 130

20/06/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 270

You deserved it 55 939

04/06/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 755

You deserved it 74 052

09/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 919

You deserved it 6 882

20/06/2015 14:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 2 804

01/02/2015 10:21 - United States

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 2 680

15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 645

You deserved it 8 770

02/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 120

19/07/2013 21:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 890

You deserved it 35 580

14/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 897

You deserved it 973

22/11/2010 19:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 10 853

09/06/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 406

You deserved it 3 092

24/07/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 035

You deserved it 29 093

17/08/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 957

You deserved it 47 287

13/05/2010 04:07 - United States

Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 069

You deserved it 9 122

03/02/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 842

You deserved it 2 905

11/08/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 482

You deserved it 105 681

29/05/2012 17:50 - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 003

You deserved it 4 770

27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 143

08/09/2012 19:16 - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 851

You deserved it 13 865

Bad guy (duh)

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 20:01

Today, I had to fake enthusiasm when my girlfriend told me she's pregnant. She has a nasty streak and I was planning to break up with her, but if I left her now everyone would think I’m the bad guy. And I actually think she’s capable of killing me if she gets angry enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 839

06/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 093

You deserved it 40 068

17/10/2013 22:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 712

You deserved it 4 900

11/05/2016 03:59 - United States - Olympia

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with co-workers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 854

You deserved it 1 018

25/07/2019 04:00

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 161

26/01/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 455

You deserved it 11 851

26/11/2017 19:00

Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 3 005

19/01/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 10 178

Great support, mom

By Red curtains - 03/05/2021 11:01

Today, my mother is still insisting it must have been my fault that my husband beat me into a coma for 5 weeks, because he’s such a "nice boy from a good family" with a really successful career, so it must have been me who provoked him into it. She keeps trying to get us back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 959

You deserved it 90

29/08/2014 12:35 - Japan - Kawasaki

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 702

You deserved it 4 188

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:41

Which is why he should stay your ex.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:42

You're only as old as who you are inside I mean, on the inside

Comments

itswhitneybitch 22

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:39

Mid-life crisis at its finest. Sorry, OP!

WaltzingPhanthom 23

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Monday 30 March 2015 1:44

I saw this same FML in the random section!!!

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:41

Which is why he should stay your ex.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:42

You're only as old as who you are inside I mean, on the inside

thespiantess 18

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 4:48

That was smooth. I tip my hat to you, sir.

extremereviews 26

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:42

Was it a gay relationship? Your profile says you're a male

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:43

If it is who cares?

Greenteamextreme 16

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:42

What a dickface...

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 0:27

You have an awesome bio number 5

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 1:32

Are you the daughter of Dr. Evil? Lol

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:42

There is a reason he is your EX.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:42

Oh god that's horrible, maybe better of not knowing... At least he is your ex though

SlowDownImaNoob 20

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:48

What I don't get is, why even continue to talk to your ex? Certainly you could have found something else better to occupy your time.... Like making flapjacks.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 1:18

Maybe they have young kids and are trying to keep the acquaintance civil for their sake? Maybe they work together or have mutual friends? Maybe they had ended the relationship well (though I'm sure with what happened, that's about to change)? Maybe they split up recently and have to get through a bunch of legal stuff together? There are tons of reasons why it might be so :P

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 1:49

According to OPs username and gender, he's a guy without kids. So obviously kids are out of the picture, and divorce might be too. (I'm assuming because he could have said ex-husband instead of ex) You can leave a relationship mutually and on a good note. Who knows, maybe OP is talking to his ex because he still likes him On a side note. Flapjacks sound great.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 3:55

Oh wow, good catch, I hadn't even noticed that! I still wouldn't automatically rule out the husband part though, who knows, it could have been just to keep the FML as short and sweet as possible. In any case, I just find it annoying that people who end badly with their ex feel the need to criticize people who keep a good relationship with theirs. I mean, some people have been friends with their ex for years, try dating for a few months, and it doesn't work out. If they are still on friendly terms, I don't why people feel they should suddenly stop talking to each other. I guess every case is different though :P

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 4:52

I could guarantee he probably doesnt have kids as apparently hes gay

photographer49 22

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 5:11

Not everyone breaks up on bad terms with their exes. I know alot of people who are still good friends with their exes.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:51

What a slap in the face! I understand that you're no longer together but it's like he's bragging that he cheated on you. Dick move on his part.

Eyalsh 32

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 5:45

being a man, i can tell yo

netflixislove 32

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:53

Good thing your not together anymore