Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 1 599

09/08/2019 20:00

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 99

Late term

Irony on base level

Lightweight

06/07/2013 21:45

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 521

You deserved it 3 404

12/06/2009 13:46

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 242

You deserved it 8 330

03/08/2010 18:13

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 462

You deserved it 4 040

10/11/2010 17:33

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 4 476

26/06/2019 16:03

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 257

28/07/2011 08:15

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 56 653

01/03/2009 14:20

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 841

You deserved it 46 691

07/08/2010 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 6 997

09/01/2016 04:01

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 337

You deserved it 1 991

09/05/2009 20:38

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 901

You deserved it 81 475

23/09/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, it's my wedding anniversary. I decided to come home early to surprise my husband, but I was the one left surprised. I walked in on him in bed with a teenager. I'm six months pregnant with our second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 026

You deserved it 289

18/11/2014 10:41

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 502

You deserved it 3 699

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 202

20/04/2016 03:32

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 392

You deserved it 2 027

28/09/2013 21:01

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 2 882

07/10/2018 13:30

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 931

You deserved it 199

04/11/2018 22:00

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 154

You deserved it 902

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 143

21/09/2009 04:02

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 041

You deserved it 45 216

30/06/2013 04:21

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 369

You deserved it 3 594

09/08/2015 01:23

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 458

You deserved it 3 145

Live from the chopper

By cpiro - 27/05/2020 05:00

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 301

31/07/2016 05:53

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 692

You deserved it 1 977

10/08/2011 12:36

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 487

You deserved it 7 130

01/06/2014 01:53

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 924

You deserved it 5 684

A tad unfair

By Anonymous - 02/04/2021 14:01

Today, my parents have made it very clear to me that if I fail one more assignment, they’re disowning me. I got a zero on a paper that I poured my heart and soul into, and in the notes, the teacher wrote, “I don’t even need to read this paper to know that it is bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 116

08/12/2015 06:17

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 3 853

21/09/2012 10:57

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 3 687

08/07/2019 18:01

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 390

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 240

29/08/2009 16:46

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 079

You deserved it 4 513

28/04/2014 21:27

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 272

You deserved it 7 699

11/04/2014 20:07

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 3 834

20/03/2016 18:12

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 888

You deserved it 1 216

Time out

By Somebody kill me! - 02/05/2021 00:30

Today, after a year and a half of overexploitation at work without getting paid for it, I can finally have a deserved vacation. Why? I caught Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 111

13/11/2017 09:37

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 597

You deserved it 300

Acceptance

By Anonymous - 08/06/2020 05:04

Today, I can't look my roommate in the eye because he walked in on me showing my drag friends my new dress on Discord last night. My roommate is really conservative. We used to get along so well too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 388

28/09/2009 19:20

Spicy

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 370

You deserved it 6 715

03/03/2010 02:37

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 29 493

Smoothie with a kick

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 02:01

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 768

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Leviathene 34

Saturday 10 August 2019 6:05

On the plus side, at least your boss cares enough to see if you are ok.

TrashlifeKaylala 12

Send a private message

Saturday 10 August 2019 0:43

Imagine “damn sharon you could have asked for a raise”

Comments

TrashlifeKaylala 12

Send a private message

Saturday 10 August 2019 0:43

Imagine “damn sharon you could have asked for a raise”

weeping_willow 25

Send a private message

Saturday 10 August 2019 4:10

Is your friend a pathological liar? Or just an asshole?

Leviathene 34

Saturday 10 August 2019 6:05

On the plus side, at least your boss cares enough to see if you are ok.

Mungolikecandy 19

Saturday 10 August 2019 8:31

I was about to say the same thing.

Send a private message

Saturday 10 August 2019 14:29

Nice boss, since it's most likely way past the event happening- Set it straight but don't make your boss look bad. Bring up the fact that you appreciate his caring and it's great to see a boss that looks out for their workers well being!

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Saturday 10 August 2019 14:53

Damn it; now you will have to invite your boss, your friend and a representative of Human Ressources for dinner at your place.

Send a private message

Saturday 10 August 2019 18:32

At least he cared.