Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless.... - FML

By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 20:00

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Fashion Police

Inspirational tale

By elevatorjerk - 2/9/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45578

You deserved it

13894

Tweet

Share

By Travolta - 20/5/2019 02:13

Dancing With The Stares

Today, I was at a party and I danced. Judging by people's stares, I should never ever attempt it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1527

You deserved it

242

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/8/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46246

You deserved it

7914

Tweet

Share

By - 29/2/2020 05:00

Bad encounter

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1710

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By Laurita - 18/8/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3246

You deserved it

748

Tweet

Share

By Fuckit - 28/5/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42372

You deserved it

6231

Tweet

Share

By jkin47 - 4/8/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36543

You deserved it

4020

Tweet

Share

By eyeleanify - 10/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7720

You deserved it

55765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/9/2014 22:30 - United States - Phillipsburg

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19023

You deserved it

36003

Tweet

Share

By aftermath1991 - 3/9/2009 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43016

You deserved it

6248

Tweet

Share

By goingdownhillfast - 12/4/2017 02:00

Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4265

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By baseball25635 - 1/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11393

You deserved it

40294

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 02:21 - Australia

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34556

You deserved it

4203

Tweet

Share

By Snurkles - 7/7/2011 12:19 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47975

You deserved it

7037

Tweet

Share

By worsethanzombies - 23/11/2009 16:40 - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34010

You deserved it

4850

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 23:02 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33550

You deserved it

3970

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/1/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34941

You deserved it

7703

Tweet

Share

By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - 14/8/2017 07:00 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4977

You deserved it

660

Tweet

Share

By sometingwong - 1/12/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60115

You deserved it

3413

Tweet

Share

By egged - 1/10/2009 06:43 - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46025

You deserved it

2246

Tweet

Share

By gottaflossmoreoften - 13/4/2015 15:40 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30481

You deserved it

5726

Tweet

Share

By kpjc - 21/10/2016 00:29 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13476

You deserved it

903

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 16:40 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27222

You deserved it

13342

Tweet

Share

By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4761

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1950

You deserved it

203

Tweet

Share

By bobjope - 28/2/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29112

You deserved it

2723

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 23:26 - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22318

You deserved it

1329

Tweet

Share

By Calimero0 - 11/8/2020 17:02

Extreme phobias

Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

837

You deserved it

916

Tweet

Share

By Humaned - 13/3/2016 20:54 - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares, and people question why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17014

You deserved it

1713

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 19:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47436

You deserved it

2744

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/10/2016 16:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11558

You deserved it

1105

Tweet

Share

By Sam Stuhlinger - 3/1/2019 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2379

You deserved it

790

Tweet

Share

By heya - 24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35283

You deserved it

2528

Tweet

Share

By zombieguyswife - 28/6/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24983

You deserved it

3960

Tweet

Share

By Boobs McGee - 31/10/2016 02:48

Today, I should probably throw out my old, torn dress as my boob popped out to say hello to a passing car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8906

You deserved it

2657

Tweet

Share

By Daddy - 2/6/2016 08:04 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8361

You deserved it

672

Tweet

Share

By throwinguptears - 2/11/2016 14:30 - United States - Marlborough

Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11918

You deserved it

1265

Tweet

Share

By SpontaneousAM - 15/4/2017 14:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4013

You deserved it

1130

Tweet

Share

By BrokeAsHeck - 23/3/2018 15:00

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4263

You deserved it

294

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 13/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97733

You deserved it

4382

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Leviathene | 34

#7830193 - Saturday 10 August 2019 6:05

On the plus side, at least your boss cares enough to see if you are ok.

By TrashlifeKaylala | 12

#7830144 - Saturday 10 August 2019 0:43

Imagine “damn sharon you could have asked for a raise”

COMMENTS

By TrashlifeKaylala | 12

#7830144 - Saturday 10 August 2019 0:43

Imagine “damn sharon you could have asked for a raise”

By weeping_willow | 25

#7830178 - Saturday 10 August 2019 4:10

Is your friend a pathological liar? Or just an asshole?

By Leviathene | 34

#7830193 - Saturday 10 August 2019 6:05

On the plus side, at least your boss cares enough to see if you are ok.

Reply

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7830208 - Saturday 10 August 2019 8:31

I was about to say the same thing.

By chyiochan | 30

#7830285 - Saturday 10 August 2019 14:29

Nice boss, since it's most likely way past the event happening- Set it straight but don't make your boss look bad. Bring up the fact that you appreciate his caring and it's great to see a boss that looks out for their workers well being!

By Yudith | 20

#7830292 - Saturday 10 August 2019 14:53

Damn it; now you will have to invite your boss, your friend and a representative of Human Ressources for dinner at your place.

By leighmacj | 10

#7830319 - Saturday 10 August 2019 18:32

At least he cared.