Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
Natoya 1
There is this wonderful thing called discipline. My mother disciplined me an I'm going to college a year early.
MarounM 5
Ever thought of putting your child into a sport? Such as martial arts. I believe that would teach her things, and disciple aswell.
diamongrl 2
Grow up and be a father!!! This is exactly why there are so Many problems with children... Their parents don't discipline or Take the time to teach right from wrong! Hitting is wrong!!!
Melissa123465 6
I lost it when I saw the word "hunts" lol all of the mental images
tvwrestler98 14
Then if you're damn MAN and tough FATHER use your authority to PUNISH her with DISCIPLINE!!!!!!
zyymurgy 5
Open palm, turn over your knee, spank spank spank spank spank, set her upright, tell her that's how much it hurts to get punched in the junk, and then put her in time out. A lot of people go "SPANKING??? OMG HOW COULD YOU HURT A CHILD" without realizing that you don't have to beat the shit out of her, you just have to make her butt sting so she knows what it's like to be in pain from someone hitting you. My big brother used to beat the shit out of me, and my dad used to spank me, and the difference in my mind is enormous. Although in my opinion, the only really acceptable time to spank is when the child is inflicting physical violence on others.
anyoldnamewilldo 23
Seven years old is way too old for this type of behavior. Man up, be a father, and discipline her.
Jebitesevsi 11
Smack her when she does this. She'll stop. I swear, parents today are so incompetent! If I ever hit one of my parents, it would have been 3 times: first time, last time and never again.
zeusnz 1
u should have put a stop to that at the beginning u muppet
jweb1434 6
What kind of father are you? Start grounding her. Take stuff away from her