Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a kinda wet feeling. When I put the lights on, I realized that my baby must have had a stomach bug and had puked all over the bed. That was when I realized that I had a stomach bug too and puked on my poor little baby. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML
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Top comments
ellyhan 11
Your husband should clean up his own vomit.
mrswombat 16
I feel for you. My mom once had to wake me up while I was puking in my sleep.
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Comments (72)
jbivens1992 17
Believe it or not...years from now...many years from now you will look back and laugh at this as you tell this story to your sons future girlfriends.
chuka81 27
Yeah, good thing the rest of us don't have that problem though. We can look at it now and laugh. We don't have to wait years for this to be funny.
pandalover69 26
Why can't your husband clean up his own puke? He's not actually sick.
kowsee 22
Parenthood ftw! Hope your kiddo feels better! Your hubby on the other hand....
greeneyedxx 13
I think if you can't handle being around vomit, don't have kids! Lol. My cat wakes me up all the time to puke, so I'm used to hearing it, seeing it, and cleaning it up.
captainsmegma 12
A trifecta of fun.
Isa_fml 20
Isn't your husband helping? He's not sick. Anyway, hope the kidlet feels better soon.
phantomxbg 17
It's like an infection, it spreads everywhere
Mathalamus 25
ew. just make your husband clean with you.
guesswhatlifesux 14
Make sure your son drinks a lot of water. Young children become dehydrated quickly
kelzo33 7
And the mother/ wife of the year goes to .........
healthcarechick 9
You poor thing. Anyone that says you deserve it is a total douche bag!