Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a kinda wet feeling. When I put the lights on, I realized that my baby must have had a stomach bug and had puked all over the bed. That was when I realized that I had a stomach bug too and puked on my poor little baby. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML
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Top comments
ellyhan 11
Your husband should clean up his own vomit.
mrswombat 16
I feel for you. My mom once had to wake me up while I was puking in my sleep.
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Comments (72)
the_real_dvd 21
At least your husband didn't get sympathy diarrhea too.
kennethlwinter 3
This is why you don't have kids, though. Cause you get stuck cleaning up way too many messes. I feel bad for people who willingly have children for this reason.
JubileeBee 31
i feel bad for your parents too then
liindsey 25
I'm sure you had someone to help you clean up your messes when you were three, too. I love my son and don't regret him at all, he can't help getting sick any more than I can.
kennethlwinter 3
I never said I didn't feel bad for my parents. I do. I never asked to be born.
DoomedGemini 38
You feel that way, others don't. It's just as bad to say what you did as others saying they "feel bad you don't get the joy of children" or something like that. I don't see a reason to feel bad for someone if they willingly and happily have children. Id be happy for them, just as Id be happy for someone who wanted to stay childless doing so. They're living their lives how they want and how they'll be happy.
militarybrat 21
Trust me, worth it (burning the house down, joking ha). I had to double bag my daughter (a size 3 and a size 4) in order to stop it. *I* would have the sympathy puke. But yes, i agree. Husband should pick up his own vomit.
Lunchy306 8
hang in there. a mom's job is not a thankless one, but it is challenging.
Desiree_lianne 16
Same girl. Lol, my boyfriend has the same problem but with our daughter everytime he changes a poop diaper he throws up cause the smell.
demix_fml 32
Hope you all feel better soon op.
ItsJustAPrankBro 2
Kill it before it lays eggs?
Dick_diamond 22
You just made me sooooo glad I never had kids
Cbnotme 20
Even without burning the house down, you've avoided cleaning it by going on your phone.
GhostFox 34
Yet another reason I do not want kids. They smell, and having sensory sensitivities means I can barely tolerate being around them in public. Having to live with one would probably drive me literally insane.
wasliedtoasakid 22
Same here. I feel your pain. :( Although, it's not like I like kids and am devastated that my sensitivities will prevent me from one day having a child for the very reason that I will end up crazy, but I do empathize with the whole "can't deal with (crying/loud) children in public" thing.