Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
anders09ma 7
Honey, drive to IHOP yourself and get the damn pancakes yourself!!!
spliit_fml 8
Yeah send a drunk person driving! Great idea
m3lyc 18
IHOP doesn't exist in the United Kingdom....
J_C_maldonado 9
Lock your door bro
akiahara 14
What a perfectly reasonable request.
sweetbliss3 37
Hopefully she didn't drive, but if she was drinking at home, either way hopefully you sit her down and explain that underage drinking is unacceptable.
OverFlash 15
Just because the legal drinking age in the US is 21, doesn't mean that's the case worldwide. Learn to read the other comments.
sweetbliss3 37
I did nowhere in these comments did it say anything about oh hey you're from Germany or wherever. And just BC you're 20 doesn't make you a [mature] adult. I know a lot if "adults" who shouldn't drink BC they're not mature enough to stop or handle it
sundayporch 2
It says the OP is in the UK right in the FML post, so...
tj4234 36
dude, there is a post saying the age in the UK for buying alcohol is 18 about 2 or 3 above you... just face it. You're and idiot and you never checked the comments.
oh_lordy_me 18
well, least she's an adult, not a drunk 15 year old
MikeyC94 5
Wow!!:)..Those crazy drunken daughter moments!!:D
HeartOfLead 24
I would chase her around the house with a baseball bat while exclaiming "BATTER UP!", and laughing maniacally.
jiraii 9
pancakes are awesome drunk food
AssTard 15
Are those common in your region?
DocBastard 40
Hey, know what's cool? Admitting to illegal activities on the Internet! Whee isn't that fun?