Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
HowieDoIt 21
IHOPe things resolve themselves quickly.
Pleonasm 36
I feel ashamed because it's called the INTERNATIONAL house of pancakes, but I had to look up the acronym because I didn't know what it meant.
Wizardo 34
Well she batter he to it and flip those pancakes
Wizardo 34
IHOP* the mobile app needs an edit function :/
HowieDoIt 21
It's ok pleo, waffle had our bad moments
Freeze_fml 17
These are just waffle.
GothickNihilist 15
#25 If this is the international house of pancakes, how come I can't eat the walls?
HeartOfLead 24
Never Denny your kids pancakes or waffles, EVER!
rhysfucker 24
It could be worse. She could want a soufflé.
songtrees 8
Can't blame a girl for wanting some pancakes... But you can blame her for excessively drinking underage and not even bothering to be sneaky about it. Sounds like you've got your hands full. Good luck.
rockbandaddict85 22
considering op is in the UK....I think the legal drinking age is 18 there....but I get ur point.
horneyhic 15
The drinking age is only 21 in the US the rest of the industrialized world is between 16-19
perdix 31
Hey, you gotta feed your kids. If you didn't want to accept that responsibility, you should have kept your legs closed. While you're at it, I'll take some chocolate chip pancakes, please. Thanks, love ;) You thought you were off the hook once the kid turned 18? Haha, think again.
darkmis1 18
This story would be 10 times better if OPs daughter actually had her own place, but came home while drunk just to tell her mom to make her pancakes.
deltoramastr 12
Who said that wasn't the case?
KileyPatterson 4
iHOP to the left, iHOP to the right, I'm sure she was up on a dick last night at the club, maybe go get her to ask him for some pancakes ;)
Omfgitsmia 15
Well, did you make them?
alexfreddy26 5
YDI, because that is ******* hilarious.
CharresBarkrey 16
I agree with the last part, but I don't see how OP deserves it because of that.
eaglerob 20
Time to send her ass out into the wild
outoftown 27
Her ass just came back from there. It staggered back, screaming for pancakes.
xmaximusx 12
This Ring A Bell From 30 Years Ago?
Mifflicious 18
I bet you make some damn nice pancakes! Wish I could taste them too.
junkman6 22
And now we know what really happened in the pistorius home.