Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
lifeisgood_03 8
LOL your daughter is funny when she is drunk !
SaturnV 25
More like obnoxious.
ClippersFan310 4
I want pancakes!
mosquito19 14
would you rather she not come home?
pilar21 7
When a girl asks for food, it is no joking matter, better get her some pancakes!
OhDearBetrayal 25
I guess then when I guy asks for food everyone jokes and laughs about it?
lovelyohhmee 8
Damn what cheap friends couldn't even take her to eat breakfast.
akiahara 14
Sounds like no one would want to...
AnaBaby96 4
Did you tell her to go back to bed? Lol
pussystank 18
Better off send her to International house of prostitutes :D
xxsakuraxx 29
I'd beat her! Btw I'm her age.
duckman9 55
now thats no reason to get violent :P
Shorty777 4
Next week, get drunk and do the same to her.
Ambaayyy 8
I'd beat her ass for underage drinking.
Ziggy122 15
The legal drinking age is 18 in the UK. So she wasn't doing anything illegal, just being an obnoxious drunken idiot.
hooligyn123 18
Oh come on now. We all know the US is the only place with internet right? Clearly no one else can post on websites. Oh wait, maybe it's just the American power of assuming we are the only ones on the internet.