Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
SwaggCapone 11
I think we found the guy who was trying to steal op bike in the previous post.....
Ukeee_X 19
Ouch. On a semi related note: My mother once came home drunk, came to my room and threw an eggcup at my head when I wouldn't make her a sandwich.
Mifflicious 18
I like how some people actaully think the laws in their country are the same in the rest of the world. Some should really learn a thing or two before speaking!
mark98706 4
You should have slapped her across the face
gamino 3
This is probably a white family, dislike all you want but you know I'm right
hooligyn123 18
Docs right. since #48's profile says 20 almost 21 and her residence says United states... odds are that actually is an admission to illegal activities. Not hard to put that together.
hooligyn123 18
BTW 103, in response to your "how do you know.." statement, it's called viewing someone's profile. But considering this is Docbastard we're talking about, he likely just used his Master of the Web internet powers. Definitely had to be something way more complex that clicking a button.
whY402Jay 12
Too many young people disrespecting their parents. Being drunk is no excuse.
sugarbear0727 19
I would've slapped the hell outta her.
icepick23 12
Is she hot? I'll make pancakes for her!