Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
ShananaginsLOL 13
I hope u slapped her with a pancake
KareBear7364 5
well did you?
vehementbitch 4
But she hasnt had any pancakes yet........
outoftown 27
She so owes you a breakfast in bed.
horneyhic 15
How do you no its illigal where she's from she 20 she could be from Any rich country other then the US and it would be legal
horneyhic 15
21 is a rediculus drinking age anyway you can go to war and be shot 3 years before u can legally drink. So at 18 ur responsible enough to choose a dangerous profession and have a say in the democratic process and smoke something that raises ur risk of cancer 20x and is addictive but not responsible enough for a beer
SaturnV 25
I'm surprised at how relatively forgiving most of the comments are, and how many suggest that OP actually comply with the daughter's request. I wonder if everyone would find it just as amusing and inoffensive if they were startled awake in the middle of the night by an obnoxious, drunk relative barging into their bedrooms and demanding food? Intoxicated or not, those are signs of a person who seemingly lacks basic consideration for others.
spliit_fml 8
I agree I've been awaken by my drunk brother twice in the middle night telling me not to yell at him. WHEN I WAS ASLEEP!!
Myo_fml 20
If you don't want this to happen again, then turn her in for underage. I know I may sound "uncool" or like a jerk but alcohol and poor impulse control are a deadly combination.
sundayporch 2
118: Nah, you don't sound "uncool," just ignorant. OP is clearly in the UK and the legal drinking age is 18 there.
ciaraohagan94 5
She isn't underage. She's 20 and in the UK the legal drinking age is 18
Myo_fml 20
Yeah, I'll take full repercussion for this one. I didn't read the location and should have thought to do that since the US is the only country with that stupid law.
toaster012 17
I wouldn't make my mom cook me pancakes, I would rather go to whataburger!
Hollandiscrazy 12
I think we found the guy that ***** in the shower! (Description)