Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
PhishloverA 14
So did you save some for us here on FML?
Shrike 24
The person who posted this FML lives in Britain, where the legal drinking age is 18, you moron. How many people have already pointed that out? Quite a few.
Shrike 24
And yet despite having such a busy life, you keep coming back here to reply. How about spending that time reading a few comments first, or investing in a pair of eyes, so next time you'll see the location printed on the FML.
koranne1 4
Hahah I'm loving this one :D I'm having a mental picture of this - hilarious!!!
dr_snow_bear 29
Great job raising your skan...daughter. I meant daughter.
Nave42 7
I take it you've never heard of people doing stupid shit when they're drunk, huh?
JennNoVa 8
At least she didn't puke all over your room.
Shrike 24
A little advice for you: when trying to sound laid-back, calm, and totally unaffected by someone's comments to you, using passive-aggressive smiley faces and saying "love you" is just going to make it even more obvious that you really have no actual come-back and that you're desperate to get a "victory". I guess I can't expect a kid - which you blatantly are, despite your bullshit profile - to be mature, so I'll do the mature thing for you and walk away. P.S. Pay attention in English class, for ****'s sake. If you need that in your native tongue: "LOL U DUM IM DUN HERE LOL KK ;)"
kickass1234 10
Did you the pancakes???
WWstar 9
um, isn't 21 the drinking age? I hope u made her the pancakes any way.
squideth 18
Yeah, in the US. The rest of the world usually has a drinking age of around 18 or so.
zoevampire 1
OP lives in the UK - it's 18 over here.
soph_volleyball 11
Did u do it???