Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
MolesterStallone 13
You should make her pancakes
Pleonasm 36
I bet that just scared the crêpe out of you, didn't it?
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Comments (176)
Kkkdawg 27
Hey at least she asked you to do it, instead of trying to cook for herself and burning the house down. What a responsible daughter you have there.
Morqan_Freeman 14
you heard her, make her pancakes!
Morqan_Freeman 14
fhjcjkbj
fuxetan 8
Is your daughter ke$ha?
SuperDanielNL 23
Meh, I guess everyone has their moments. As a Dutchman I wouldn't say 20 is underage. I am used to a drinking age of 16/18.
Lunasis 14
here's what you do, say no, then while she has a hangover, act sweet and make her ''chocolate chip'' pancakes, swap out the chocolate for exlax and see if she wants to drink again
tj4234 36
For everyone saying that the girl is underage. The law in the UK for alcohol is that you can buy alcohol if you are over 18. You can also buy alcohol for someone who is over 16 provided they are drinking it on your property (i.e. your house). The law here also says that you can give a child over 5 alcohol provided it is in your own house.
StanSmith2013 26
You are a mother! When I get drunk, I just get a kebab, but now I have the idea to stagger to my parents house and demand food. Muhahaha!
xgetxbentx 13
Well, if this is your first issue with her and alcohol I'd say you did well for this generation.
Satoaoi 13
banana for me please.