Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
jsjordan 2
Playing video games help. If you play really fun addictive games you don't think about food. Just drink tons of water and maybe eat one to two meals a day
ni0ve 9
She's thirteen. Cut her a break.
tompou6 19
Where has society gone wrong?
mosquito19 14
that make sense, cancer will quickly make you loose weight.
drewflav 17
Unlike humans, which consist of 100% chemicals. Didn't you pay any attention to your high school science classes? Everything is made of different combinations of chemicals. Would you avoid a baked product that had "sodium bicarbonate" in it because it has a "chemical" name? It's baking soda dumbass. Most food ingredients have common names; they use the chemical name to throw off the people who don't have the brains to realize what it is. Do your homework next time before you comment please.
CynthiaMeAtSix 7
Haha is she referring to vitamin water.
TheWolfNinja 1
She'll soon realize its bs, I once stupidly believed something like this a few years ago, only for a minute.
Capt_Air713 13
Your daughter is very much so an idiot.
FemskyD 26
Cheaper than a gym membership xD she ll find out soon enough it doenst quite work that way..
hayjay2000 8
Well maybe instead of calling YOUR OWN YOUNG DAUGHTER stupid on the Internet, maybe think how YOU and YOUR PARTNER GUIDED HER. She is 13 you douchebag and obviously you haven't taught her well. Can you imagine your daughter seeing this? Calling her stupid, when obviously she already may have self-esteem issues considering she is trying dieting. You should be ashamed.
Iguanadon 14
>assuming OP has a partner he's raising this child with. Mothers walk out too.
cheshirecat13242 32
Well-said, #98!!