Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
UsernameTaken14 18
She'll wonder why she's so hungry. Let her figure it out herself :)
itcomesinthrees 10
Not gonna say YDI, but take this as an opportunity to sit down and discuss nutrition with her. Obviously health class at school isn't cutting it
skylee_fml 9
you should help your daughter not call her an idiot...
blackonblight 33
Why can't he do both? First step is admitting you have a problem and all that.
Axel5238 29
To be fair with the OP you see a lot of stupid stuff on the net. Kids cooking with a grill in tents, not even knowing how to make toast of all things, fire works while drunk and picking up people in bars/parties. Yet, a lot seem to think they can drive while high and think all of the above is ok. There is a fair amount of knowledge that is assumed. At 13 she should know that you can't live off of water and food coloring.
Argretto 5
She's 13 you twat
abnormalbird 11
I hate my generation. Why couldn't I be born in the 90's, you know when people had common sense?
blala2733 5
Hmmm your kid may be an idiot but it's Ur job as a parent to show her otherwise!!
legs666 10
you. raised. her. hence her stupidity.
AngryAmerican 18
Let natural selection play out. A) Kids suck B) Kids suck C) They are retarded D) Let her die
lala150 24
I realize this is an old post, but I hope you've kept an eye on your daughter. The internet is full of scary things, including ProAna communities. If she's concerned with her weight, talk to your family doctor or a therapist about self esteem, if she's interested in weight loss I hope she found a healthy way to achieve her goal!