Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
edanielleh 21
I should also add that as a parent you should have been explaining proper eating habits from childhood, this is a bit of a reflection on you too
alycion 39
So true. My mom didn't just tell me to eat something because it was good for me, she told me why it is. She also explained why a lot of junk food was bad. There is a reason why why is a kid's favorite question.
skyeyez9 25
It will last 2-3 days max before she comes to her senses and stops this "diet."
JaiBrooks5 13
It's not nice to call someone an idiot! Especially ur own daughter. ******* new generation
Huddisher 10
She's 13 and I'm sure she's no expert on stuff like food coloring so give her a break. She probably was given false information on food colouring. I'm sure you were naive at that age. Plus, it's not just your daughter that believes what she was told. I'm sure others thought it could replace food.
niamhlorren 4
This is actually a thing. It's called the water fast and is used mainly for cleansing your body and allowing it time to repair (weight loss is a bonus).. Although I haven't heard the food colouring part I know you need to take minerals. Read up on it.
mansen 15
Except for food cleanses and the like are complete b.s. and are actually harmful, do nothing, and do not balance the body in any way. There are many, many studies on them. Read up.
CrazyMelvin 14
You raised her.....
JessicaRenee95 14
Just tell her about other diets that won't starve her to death.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I think it's quiet rude of you to call her an idiot. Considering you're her parent you should be educating her and helping build her self esteem not calling her an idiot. She's 13, still just a kid who needs her parents guidance, not diet fads and name calling.
buckdharma 38
I found that a red in the morning, followed by a blue at lunch time makes purple.
tukies 28
It's time for you to talk to her about nutrition.