Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
whiskeey 14
I fear for my generation
CarouselHeart 11
Wow. And you're not even going to, you know, talk to her about the fact she wants to diet?
Gittoh 21
if she is unhappy with her body, then help her! stop feeding her whatever makes her unhappy, remember: it is the parents that controls the food habits.
kpnsbbygrl 0
Your daughter is an idiot...and whose fault is that? You dont deserve to have kids! People like you are the reason society is failing.
Shade1982 21
Are you serious? You're coming off as just as stupid as the daughter here. You do realize she has another parent right? Intelligence isn't taught, it's inherited.
ViviMage 40
Tell her the red food coloring is made from crushed up beetles and the rest are crude oil derivatives and nothing she wants to eat.
worldclassrager 41
Spike her water with liquid minerals/vitamins and hope she thinks it's the dye causing the different taste...
NavitasNexus 3
You raised her.
Knightchaser27 25
She really needs to pay more attention in science class
middlenamefrank 8
Food coloring is pretty idiotic, but I'm surprised someone hasn't tried it with a liquid multivitamin supplement. Hey...I just invented the new viral diet craze!!!
thundermoo 16
You should avoid that dihydrogen oxide too.