Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
cdawgtate 9
Don't call her an idiot! teach her!
TrinityNevada 11
I think idiot is just a little too harsh. But I understand the surprise of your child not knowing something you think they should know. For example, my 12-year-old is just now starting Sex Ed. I tried to teach him since kindergarten so that he would know the truth and while he vaguely understands how the sperm gets to the egg and what the outer body-parts are called, I had to explain that its normal to get hair on your scrotum. And that is the technical name for ball sac
lalaney 14
You should've written "I raised an idiot". Young girls are bombarded with sexualized images of feminine beauty that are impossible to reach, and without the guidance of a parent, this will greatly impact their self-esteem and health. Don't give your daughter barbies, don't let her watch horrible MTV shows about plastic-looking spoiled rich kids, and don't make comments about her weight and what she eats. Provide her with healthy ideas with what real women look like, and don't let her obsess about her looks at such a young age. Get in there and do some parenting, OP.
dgray2 1
She is part your genes
xnyletak 17
I don't think she's an idiot. That's pretty harsh as a parent. She's 13; all young kids think stupid things sometimes. She'll grow out of it.
Omniprism 15
Well first tell her to not believe everything you read or hear and then teach her to read labels for nutritional value. Good luck.
bjdog98 9
Your daughter's an idiot? Who raised her?
Sitting_Ducki 8
She's 13 so it's more of how you're raising her. They learn by example at that age so who's the idiot
liaRawr 9
Why does your 13 yr old even think she should diet?
cheshirecat13242 32
Sounds legit. Let her give it a try :-)