Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (133)
Fuaaad1994 31
When I was her age, all I did was eat, how can you not?!
kmccain 27
Guys don't really have the same pressure to be skinny as girls do. I'm not saying they don't, but girls see the unrealistic models and celebrities and feel like they have to become that. Especially at that age.
purebliss_fml 19
She isn't an idiot, she's just young, naive and also vulnerable to the things she reads online. I think you and the rest of her family need to let her know how beautiful she is, outside and inside and discuss the importance of eating healthy food, not to lose weight but for the benefit of feeling good, having more energy, nice skin etc etc. Also she needs to know how dangerous it is to be deprived of food and that it's okay to eat junk every now and then, everything in moderation. As her mum, it's your job to teach her these things. She isn't an idiot, she's at a very impressionable age.
purebliss_fml 19
Oops, sorry just realised you're her dad! Well dad, it's your job to teach and tell her those things too :)
JMichael 26
That's not a healthy diet at all. Instead of going on all these diets that are supposed to "help you cut weight fast", why not limit your eating habits? Talk to your daughter OP and tell her if she really wants to lose weight and be healthy you can help her get on the right track. If anything it's be a good bonding experience.
metalcrazed 21
That's a horrible thing to say.
Fender60_fml 6
Tell her to go back yo school
Popopor 3
Perhaps if she put red food coloring in it, it would turn into V8?
khaoticpanda 28
Sounds legit, ill try it
dvojplisen 25
Well, I find your analythical skills quite accurate :)
G_bear24 9
Obviously not the intelligent choice but you never call your daughter a idiot for any reason.
edanielleh 21
please get her proper nutritional guidance and help