Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
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Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
arghgoesthedino 8
It's sad that 1) she believes this and 2) some people actually do this, and think it's working in a heathy way.
ddlovatolover 23
Hey, if they truly believe in it, it might have a placebo effect on them.
dont_doubt_me 29
You should have a talk with her about it. Save her the misery and starvation.
EmmaMK 35
Teen fads about food are normal. But, I think you should keep on reminding her about healthy foods and not eating too much junk food. Thirteen year olds should still enjoy some sort if sports and should not even be thinking about weight loss diets.
youbruinedmylife 8
Haha your name is perfect
barfcannon 24
This FML makes me sad. If she legitimately doesn't know that this diet won't sustain her it's not up to you to criticize her for it. You're her parent and teacher. I don't think I learned what a calorie was until I was that age.
MMWolves 7
The solution may be to just let her find out herself. Im not saying starve her, but im sure after a day of just colored water, she'll be back to normal.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
Why not just you know parent? Educate her, talk with her find out why she feels she needs this diet and help her pick healthier options?
Mobyman30 9
Be a good parent and don't let your daughter go through with that diet... Definitely unhealthy...
loneala 3
This was stupid, yes, but you shouldn't be calling her an idiot. You're the one person who's always supposed to be on her side.
azyjazy713 11
Education is key.
DasHaas 9
Someone needs a few "critical thinking" classes to learn to protect herself from stupid claims made by the ignorant and the malicious.