Health: Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While... - FML

By boreed - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

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Rock, hard place

Need warmth

Sister of the year

By SowhatshouldIdo - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over 3 and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

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By whatever - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long-distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be getting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

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By mcullen21 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

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By theropod - United States

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

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By not a brain cell in sight - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

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By baddoggy - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

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By Riskreh - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

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By rissalynn

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

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By J Rush - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

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By Anonymous

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

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By Jade - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, after a week of rejoicing that my petty, passive-aggressive, bullying neighbours were moving away, I came home to find the "to let" board had been outside the wrong house the whole time. It's actually the people I really like who are moving away. FML

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By IHateBeingAStudent

Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML

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By Neversleepingthereagain - United States - Manchester

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

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By Dilly_20 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

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By EllieJ

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

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By dumbassgrad - United States - El Monte

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

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By yuuupyup - United States - Somerset

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now!

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 05:03

He's still right, though

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

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By Angel - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

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By KittyKat168 - Germany

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 07:58 - United States - Edison

Booze don't cure the blues

Today, it was my birthday, and even the person who seemed excited about me finally turning 21 and can legally drink forgot. Guess who got drunk alone tonight? This guy. FML

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By never again - Canada - Carstairs

Today, I babysat for a woman for the first time. When I arrived, there was a large pile of dishes in the sink. I decided to wash the dishes for her while the kids napped. She came home, noticed it, and bitched me out over how I'd only done it "to try and get more money" out of her. What? FML

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By eMmA01 - United States

Today, I was walking into class when the guy i like walked in and said "Gross it smells like grandma in here. What, did someone bathe in their perfume today?" I was the only girl in the room and I just bought new perfume. I thought I smelled good, apparently I didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 17:00 - United States

Mr. Burns

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

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By fucktelstra - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

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By ShutUp007 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

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By kernewek - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

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By lmastr64 - France

Today, I sit here in agonizing pain because of a scoliosis surgery. I have a bunch of painkillers that I need to suppress this incredible back pain. Looks like I can't take any. My mom has hidden them from me because she THINKS I need to be taken off them. I wish my doctor were here. FML

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By walkingdead_1029 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

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By River - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss's truck. While he was in it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Kensington

Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML

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Top comments

By milakitty21 | 0

#1895723 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:52

look at it this way... you saved a few $100s. I'd call it a win. ;)

By greycellgreen | 0

#1895743 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:54

Seriously, go to the doc's because 1/ could be cancerous 2/ removing moles like that disrupts cells and could lead to cancer 3/ disfiguration reasons. Just a suggestion.

COMMENTS

By shortystar_fml | 0

#1895685 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:43

eww lol and ouch

Reply

dickamaru | 0

#1900364 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 12:44

well at least Austin powers won't be on your ass ever again

By shortystar_fml | 0

#1895690 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:43

eww lol and ouch

By SeanFredrick | 3

#1895694 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:44

Ouch! Think oF how the mole feels after that molestation!

Reply

KyleIsSoFine | 0

#1895981 - Monday 27 December 2010 13:01

Oh god xD

Reply

letsloveliyah | 0

#1896364 - Monday 27 December 2010 15:50

hahaha nice.

Reply

NeutralBear | 0

#1896981 - Monday 27 December 2010 19:07

Ewww

Reply

Alex201 | 0

#1899426 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:45

Lmao!

By Luke1717 | 0

#1895703 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:45

that musta hurt

Reply

mrfuzzywiggles | 11

#5722689 - Saturday 19 October 2013 23:52

I can tell you took a lot of thought and time in this comment

By Sammy_Baby | 0

#1895706 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:46

Ouch!

Reply

heyheyhey_domo | 0

#1911855 - Friday 31 December 2010 7:39

wow that must if hurt

By ripjohnlennon | 5

#1895715 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:48

atleast you don't have it anymore

By milakitty21 | 0

#1895723 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:52

look at it this way... you saved a few $100s. I'd call it a win. ;)

Reply

jessicaxx1 | 0

#1896314 - Monday 27 December 2010 15:20

haha yeah!

By myunicornbarfedo | 0

#1895731 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:52

O_o holy crab faucets!!!! Ouch!!!!!! Did you freak when you saw your mole squish onto the ground?

By supervacaneous | 4

#1895733 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:53

The mole became a hole.

By iSolDyourSouL | 0

#1895738 - Monday 27 December 2010 11:53

Ouch... On the bright side, at least you don't have a mole anymore!