Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While... - FML

By boreed - 27/12/2011 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

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Trust

Trip Advisor says no

They're everywhere

By anonymous - 16/7/2011 13:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset so I politely asked where is bathroom was so I could "powder my nose". After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 06:06 - Canada - Guelph

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

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By jeph23 - 11/9/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

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By carpusher - 12/4/2009 02:51 - United States

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

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By Lulu - 16/7/2017 00:30

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

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By not gay in AL - 11/5/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I love him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

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By anonymous - 6/6/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

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By 2for1 - 28/3/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

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By blahblahblah - 15/4/2020 20:00

Heart of Glass

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

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By MB101 - 28/9/2012 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to sing at karaoke. I sang a romantic love ballad to him. He dedicated Rick James' "Super Freak" to me. FML

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By Tea_baggins - 6/8/2013 04:01 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

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By Loser - 29/6/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "salmon dick". FML

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By hcditfi5foygy - 23/7/2018 19:04

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

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By UnluckyLatina - 22/4/2016 03:30 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

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By Insomniac - 18/5/2019 04:17

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

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By spanishsucks - 1/4/2012 03:01 - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

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By failout - 5/3/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML

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By twingirl - 14/8/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 08:46 - Malaysia

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

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By MadMax - 26/6/2013 20:49 - United States - Nashua

Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment and parked in the parking garage. When I got out, some ass had pushed my bike from the spot and had boxed it in between the wall and his car. Apparently, he felt he deserved the spot more than me and didn't care if I wanted to leave. FML

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By Egtat216 - 29/7/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 10:58 - United States

Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML

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By Chance115 - 11/9/2018 23:30

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

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By oh_mylanta - 2/3/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

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By sweetsixteenyay - 25/6/2015 19:16 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, the new girl told me that a guy at the back of the class was being creepy. I looked over and saw him picking his nose and flinging boogers at the girls sitting in the front. That guy is my boyfriend. FML

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By Snuffles - 24/4/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML

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By Pill popping zit monster - 23/12/2016 04:16

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

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By dtack2tack - 9/7/2015 13:42 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML

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By OfficeFatty - 30/10/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

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By LilyL - 6/6/2010 21:53 - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

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By Kensie - 4/3/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, it is my twin sisters and my birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me pretty also. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 02:00

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

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By metalmeow - 17/6/2019 05:00

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

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By rc2981 - 13/6/2014 10:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

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Top comments

By milakitty21 | 0

#1895723 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:52

look at it this way... you saved a few $100s. I'd call it a win. ;)

By greycellgreen | 0

#1895743 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:54

Seriously, go to the doc's because 1/ could be cancerous 2/ removing moles like that disrupts cells and could lead to cancer 3/ disfiguration reasons. Just a suggestion.

COMMENTS

By shortystar_fml | 0

#1895685 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:43

eww lol and ouch

Reply

dickamaru | 0

#1900364 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 12:44

well at least Austin powers won't be on your ass ever again

By shortystar_fml | 0

#1895690 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:43

eww lol and ouch

By SeanFredrick | 3

#1895694 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:44

Ouch! Think oF how the mole feels after that molestation!

Reply

KyleIsSoFine | 0

#1895981 - Monday 27 December 2011 13:01

Oh god xD

Reply

letsloveliyah | 0

#1896364 - Monday 27 December 2011 15:50

hahaha nice.

Reply

NeutralBear | 0

#1896981 - Monday 27 December 2011 19:07

Ewww

Reply

Alex201 | 0

#1899426 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:45

Lmao!

By Luke1717 | 0

#1895703 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:45

that musta hurt

Reply

mrfuzzywiggles | 11

#5722689 - Saturday 19 October 2013 23:52

I can tell you took a lot of thought and time in this comment

By Sammy_Baby | 0

#1895706 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:46

Ouch!

Reply

heyheyhey_domo | 0

#1911855 - Friday 31 December 2011 7:39

wow that must if hurt

By ripjohnlennon | 5

#1895715 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:48

atleast you don't have it anymore

By milakitty21 | 0

#1895723 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:52

look at it this way... you saved a few $100s. I'd call it a win. ;)

Reply

jessicaxx1 | 0

#1896314 - Monday 27 December 2011 15:20

haha yeah!

By myunicornbarfedo | 0

#1895731 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:52

O_o holy crab faucets!!!! Ouch!!!!!! Did you freak when you saw your mole squish onto the ground?

By supervacaneous | 4

#1895733 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:53

The mole became a hole.

By iSolDyourSouL | 0

#1895738 - Monday 27 December 2011 11:53

Ouch... On the bright side, at least you don't have a mole anymore!