Work: Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day...

By Masonlee89 - 21/11/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 773

You deserved it 41 892

Work

Dysfunctional

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Weirdo geek freaks out

By Chouse - 07/09/2012 01:56 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 732

You deserved it 2 671

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 06:57

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 4 998

By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 355

You deserved it 3 271

By liz - 08/03/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 535

You deserved it 2 580

By Mr. X - 23/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 512

You deserved it 5 439

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 00:10 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 46 777

You deserved it 25 773

By UptoHERE - 04/02/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 361

You deserved it 2 268

By lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 430

You deserved it 6 093

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 324

You deserved it 9 753

By Christina - 05/12/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 739

You deserved it 49 671

Be the hero

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 14:01

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 23:36 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 301

You deserved it 10 688

Dead wrong

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 08:08

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 388

Weeks?

By not getting any - 31/03/2020 08:00

Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 537

You can count on it

By amie - 11/08/2009 08:43 - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry, my sister looks at my mom and says, "I win!" She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 085

You deserved it 7 976

By TicketMePink - 20/05/2016 05:57 - United States

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 397

You deserved it 21 081

Science has gone too far

By Amanda - 15/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I went in for a full hysterectomy due to medical issues. I came out being 6 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 06/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 262

You deserved it 2 172

By torkx3 - 21/07/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 725

You deserved it 40 107

By AngrySon - 29/09/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 270

You deserved it 2 576

By publicenemy - 15/09/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 610

You deserved it 54 954

By Ma_Nikka - 23/07/2015 19:00 - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 2 882

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 04:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 343

You deserved it 2 693

Tight ass

By Paf - 21/09/2021 19:59 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, after I've been cleaning a hostel 7/7 for free accommodation for a few weeks, and the owner telling me 3 times to take a day off while he was able to do the job, I'm finally leaving. He's now (and only now) asking me to pay for the 3 nights I "didn't work for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 68

By partygirlxxx - 24/05/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 649

You deserved it 9 696

Welcome back

By Soggy Sophia - 27/03/2013 15:44 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 008

You deserved it 2 631

By :/ - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 681

You deserved it 3 731

By fatty - 09/06/2009 08:39 - Germany

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 671

You deserved it 49 815

By tgpgs - 19/01/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 080

You deserved it 3 961

By robinhoood - 12/07/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 868

You deserved it 13 503

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 467

You deserved it 3 427

By jobless - 06/11/2014 02:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 969

You deserved it 3 217

By Anonymous - 26/12/2018 06:00 - Australia

Today, as I walked out of a club, I slipped in my new shoes and spilled my chicken, chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people see me do this, but my dress is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 718

By ApparentlyIFail - 20/11/2009 09:30 - France

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 674

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 135

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 762

You deserved it 59 849

By khlonnae - 21/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 226

You deserved it 547

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 7 167

By lexibabe - 03/03/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 800

You deserved it 2 758

Weird

By not the scalpel - 15/09/2012 07:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 523

You deserved it 3 068

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Top comments

appletini 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 11:02

wait.... where did you get the idea that "Today, it was supposed to be payday"..... did you just guess?

ashleynonymous 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:15

Don't you read applications? Well, at least you did a good deed!

ashleynonymous 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:15

Don't you read applications? Well, at least you did a good deed!

ahimsa7 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 23:32

Yeah! "I volunteered to help the needy. F. L."

null_fml 11

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:18

How the hell did you manage that one? This is either fake or you're a moron the likes of which I've never seen before.

lway2009 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:28

exactly what I was thinking.

nodbor 11

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Sunday 22 November 2009 7:37

What about the W2 form you need to fill out to get paid.

npeezle 0

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Sunday 2 May 2010 15:54

That'd be a w-4 form, slick. ;)

Silenthunter 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 6:17

The W-4 and an interview and other extensive paper work.

Harrywhat 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:36

Nice. Smooth.

carnage1106 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 22:42

pick one u can't choose both

AKProject 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:46

YDI for being the most idiotic and/or unobservant person on the planet.

shanster 3

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Saturday 21 November 2009 10:58

How do you NOT KNOW you were volunteering? It's usually made very, very clear and if you had an interview they would have explained it at least 6 times that "hey you do realize this is a volunteer position, you still wanna do this right?? " *hopeful look on interviewer's face* YDI for being the most moronic person on the face of the planet.

padlarf 14

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Saturday 21 November 2009 11:01

Bloody hell, what an idiot. YDI

appletini 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 11:02

wait.... where did you get the idea that "Today, it was supposed to be payday"..... did you just guess?

amatayo 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 12:04

With ALL jobs when you're hired they say that (blank) is payday right! And if they did not say that then would you not ask which day is payday? With all in mind I call Fake

WonderBlunder 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 12:26

FAKE. How can you not discuss your salary before you accept the position??

MrAdventure 1

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Saturday 21 November 2009 14:50

Exactly! How do you go working somewhere and not know how much you're going to get paid? How stupid are you?

cxal_fml 0

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Sunday 22 November 2009 16:16

People that work for family often don't discuss it. It could be that a relative is a contractor for construction and asked him to help work on a house for Habitat for Humanity, and he just assumed that work meant pay

Jernau_Gurgeh 0

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Sunday 22 November 2009 23:43

Maybe he got fired, but nobody told him, and since there were also volunteers working on the project, the other bureaucrats just assumed he switched to volunteering?

Twinklestar 0

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Saturday 21 November 2009 12:37

I imagine they're pissed because they have no income to pay their bills, not because they did something good for someone and didn't get paid. If they worked in construction it's not like their job responsibilities would've been much different, and I'm guessing his co-workers didn't say anything. Depending on how you're employed (part-time, casual, through an employment agency) it's quite possible for this to happen. FYL OP.