Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

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It's the thought that counts

Fake News

In the zone

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

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By uggo - United States

Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML

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By NoMoreHeadphones - United States

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

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By Unlucky - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

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By Can I press charges? - Australia - Hamilton

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

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By trippybmth - United States

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

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By Fred - France

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

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By siggit - United States

Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announces incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime" and my wife goes into a full panic attack. We haven't even left the ground yet. FML

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By mooseknuckle - United States

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

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By out of the closet - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

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By The_Black_Jesus - United States

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

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By jenA - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

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By Soaked - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

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By

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

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By Ex-Employee - United States

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

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By raiyne

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

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By ducklover1 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I got to see a waterfall up close. Too bad it was in my bedroom. FML

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By jessica238 - Canada

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

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By swervelol

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

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By taylor_eileen - United States

Today, I drove my mom home from the salon because she was feeling sick. I'm not the best driver, but I was excited that I was helping. Everything was going smoothly until I hit a bump in the road. My mom blew chunks all over. I found out very quickly that she had spicy chicken for lunch. FML

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By pizza girl - United States - Nettleton

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

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By whymyroomthough - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

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By Shalamar - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

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By incendiaaa - Australia

Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML

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By belljars - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

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By marlow - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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By Eeeek - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

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By dominator152 - United States

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

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By whereismyprince? - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML

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Top comments

By UnprecendentedAw | 0

#2022457 - Saturday 29 January 2011 19:58

Time to drop him.

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#2022467 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:00

What a douche. You should have left to go out with your friends.

COMMENTS

By UnprecendentedAw | 0

#2022457 - Saturday 29 January 2011 19:58

Time to drop him.

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#2022502 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:05

Ditto. Or just wait. There won't be a relationship there long anyway...

Reply

Chris19801012 | 0

#2023553 - Sunday 30 January 2011 1:48

What!!!! That's was thoughtful, I'm sure an X box isn't cheap. Maybe he is trying to find a way they can bond together. So judgmental.

Reply

Mehness | 0

#2024272 - Sunday 30 January 2011 7:53

56 - Or maybe OP clearly showed her dislike of the console in this here post.

Reply

RinaRina | 9

#2028308 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:14

Tell him to share the xbox, go buy a cake and eat cake while playin on it, then have sex? dingdong good birthday :D

Reply

RinaRina | 9

#2028326 - Monday 31 January 2011 9:18

gaming with the BF beats any kind of stuoid material gift or boring fancyAss dinner ;D atleast in my opinion...

Reply

XQuartzX | 15

#6153364 - Thursday 25 December 2014 0:54

or he's the worst boyfriend and is a selfish prick.

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#2022467 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:00

What a douche. You should have left to go out with your friends.

By missjessicaaaa | 0

#2022520 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:07

That just sucks, and I don't know you, but if you don't deserve this, then I would say leave him.

By KiM1314 | 0

#2022524 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:07

Epic win by OP's boyfriend! Did you make him a sammich while he was playing?

Reply

BT14 | 5

#2023546 - Sunday 30 January 2011 1:45

alright "epic win" enough already

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#2026810 - Sunday 30 January 2011 22:11

ugh

Reply

The_Tool1 | 13

#3912908 - Friday 20 January 2012 7:38

What else is she there for?

Reply

Hamden824 | 23

#6661633 - Saturday 30 July 2016 23:29

I'll make this quick. Fuck you!

By littliemissmeg | 0

#2022550 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:11

time to get a new boyfriend.

Reply

kornpuffs | 0

#2024206 - Sunday 30 January 2011 7:30

I agree

By strawberrydreams | 18

#2022589 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:18

Well, it's pretty obvious about who he cares about the most. That last part would've definitely been a deal breaker for me so FYL OP.

By smushies_fml | 0

#2022623 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:24

what a jerk!

By benjimm1 | 0

#2022631 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:27

ha YDI just becuz u do. what's his gamertag? did he get black ops yet? gears of war? oh yea happy bday btw

By Air_Force001 | 0

#2022633 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:28

hahahahaha what a ass

By benjimm1 | 0

#2022636 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:29

happy birthday then. want a cookie? TOO BAD IT'S MINE! GET UR OWN FREAKING COOKIE!