Miscellaneous: Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall....

By blind - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13774

You deserved it

30392

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Late term

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By hatetheroommate - United States

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27697

You deserved it

129668

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - La Crosse

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26858

You deserved it

17195

Favorite

By Peel - France

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27562

You deserved it

7406

Favorite

By WhitneyHouston - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42591

You deserved it

15265

Favorite

By thatgirl - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17585

You deserved it

4798

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38882

You deserved it

44984

Favorite

By Fairymyass - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33834

You deserved it

4485

Favorite

By Finding Kemo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20404

You deserved it

2140

Favorite

By paywithpoop - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49926

You deserved it

3859

Favorite

By partycats - United States

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45017

You deserved it

19576

Favorite

By Nextman

Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1675

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11597

You deserved it

23139

Favorite

By lrn2road - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49373

You deserved it

4520

Favorite

By justinmdent - United States - Excelsior Springs

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36587

You deserved it

2939

Favorite

By fuckered519 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40080

You deserved it

12520

Favorite

By Rawr - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33551

You deserved it

2874

Favorite

By Kbizz - Canada

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10536

You deserved it

32279

Favorite

By Roy Lawson - United States - Brea

Today, I had to bite the bullet and finally buy maternity pants. Problem is, I'm not pregnant and I'm a 25-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39692

You deserved it

25197

Favorite

By Zippermania9 - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32573

You deserved it

13623

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New Kensington

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27398

You deserved it

3383

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25239

You deserved it

2899

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44859

You deserved it

4187

Favorite

By faux ma - United States - Winter Park

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8164

You deserved it

32619

Favorite

By onlyme - United States

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16097

You deserved it

64729

Favorite

By lauramarie - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27472

You deserved it

15542

Favorite

By TheLastSerenade - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39669

You deserved it

3967

Favorite

By Crabcake - United States - Brooklyn

Fancy a snatch? A *snack, sorry.

Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3087

You deserved it

921

Favorite

By not getting any anymore - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83248

You deserved it

7808

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38106

You deserved it

6035

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43145

You deserved it

2563

Favorite

By iwantaraise - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29162

You deserved it

3036

Favorite

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32658

You deserved it

47365

Favorite

By hell no!

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2056

You deserved it

160

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36826

You deserved it

10833

Favorite

By RedFace - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14081

You deserved it

35295

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30741

You deserved it

4805

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73153

You deserved it

30687

Favorite

By Umlungu23

Today, during my lunch break, I sat on the manager's chair. As I sat down, I heard a snapping sound and I ended up on the floor. Everyone now calls me "the lumpy girl" who broke the manager's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1983

You deserved it

408

Favorite

By lyle - 2/4/2021 08:00

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

761

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33120

You deserved it

5980

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By catatonicsleep | 17

#2022476 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:01

Didn't they have those mini binocular things they often have in theatres?

By lizzieislovely | 11

#2022517 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:06

Ooooh i went to see that yesterday too!! It was so amazing. You have to go back and see it again with your glasses this time! It would be well worth it i promise you!

COMMENTS

By UnprecendentedAw | 0

#2022473 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:00

Contacts FTW!

Bobissmall | 13

#2023478 - Sunday 30 January 2011 1:14

Maybe they only need glasses for long distance. Hence why it would be easy to forget them if they don't wear them often. I only wear mine for school.

JCHammer | 5

#2023903 - Sunday 30 January 2011 5:05

Nerd

breena25 | 0

#2024211 - Sunday 30 January 2011 7:32

glasses don't make u a nerd they make u sexi

BisFitty | 7

#2024351 - Sunday 30 January 2011 8:45

25 HA HAAA WIN

29 STFU

Buchitoo | 4

#2024536 - Sunday 30 January 2011 9:57

Totally agree 29!!!! I use glasses and love them although most if the time I have my contacts.

robosonic | 2

#2028102 - Monday 31 January 2011 7:55

What If there are holes in the glasses? maybe 4,000! That's the amount of holes in Blackburn, Lancashire! And though the holes are rather small, we have to count them all. Then we'll know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall!

I'm surprised no one made that reference...

bigantennaemay | 3

#2029926 - Monday 31 January 2011 16:14

no, he meant, 'nerd,' because OP wants to go to Cirque something or other, which is really boring and stupid. Only nerds are interested in that s**t.

lerouxmaster | 7

#3933551 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:42

36 - Yeah, bring cultivated, artsy and intelligent sucks ! Ignorance for the win !

Redneck Force.

randomburger | 7

#4139560 - Friday 9 March 2012 4:09

-35 Beatles FTW!

By catatonicsleep | 17

#2022476 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:01

Didn't they have those mini binocular things they often have in theatres?

JCHammer | 5

#2023908 - Sunday 30 January 2011 5:06

That would be true, but those only work on us "seeing folk"

Arenina | 4

#2024079 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:26

Umm no, they sell ones that can be focused.

Midnightpearls | 13

#4299961 - Friday 13 April 2012 17:09

Depending how nearsighted OP is, binoculars could be useless. Also, I have yet to see them being sold anywhere at performance halls I've been to.

fleckney26 | 25

#6060703 - Tuesday 9 September 2014 13:37

The Royal Albert hall doesn't have them, or at least I've never seen them there

By lizzieislovely | 11

#2022517 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:06

Ooooh i went to see that yesterday too!! It was so amazing. You have to go back and see it again with your glasses this time! It would be well worth it i promise you!

By missjessicaaaa | 0

#2022535 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:08

I agree! Stop complaining and get contacts

By sarah48_fml | 0

#2022537 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:09

agreed!

By andrealovvve | 17

#2022544 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:10

shoulda brought themm !

By TryptamineDreame | 0

#2022646 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:29

No lie, I did this same exact thing when I went to see cirque du soleil a couple of years ago, except I was near the stage so I got to see the amazing show. Sorry op :c

By supertacowaffle | 41

#2022677 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:37

Don't they have mini binoculars in theatres?

By T552 | 12

#2022738 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:55

I hate it when that happens, leaving your glasses behind. You can go so far before you realise everything's blurry, especially if you're in a rush.

I feel for you there OP. Bad times.

By lizzieislovely | 11

#2022809 - Saturday 29 January 2011 21:08

Not all places have mini-binoculars. Albert Hall, apparently, is one of them.