Miscellaneous: Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall....

By blind - 29/01/2011 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 30 414

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - 18/01/2015 21:29 - United States - Augusta

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 9 324

By bear92 - 19/06/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 5 891

By queenlatifa101bebe - 10/12/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 327

You deserved it 16 428

By crapped on - 16/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 946

You deserved it 4 140

It's true, though

By humiliated - 20/03/2016 11:54 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 002

You deserved it 2 332

By gerontofuck - 15/04/2014 21:55 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 775

You deserved it 4 624

Sworn to secrecy

By TheEpicWario - 01/06/2021 14:02

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 117

By notcool - 15/12/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend upset because my best friend has begun stripping to pay for school. His response was, "Where and what time does she work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 433

You deserved it 8 812

Panic

By Lexy - 19/07/2021 07:01

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 193

By Ishii - 07/02/2010 18:58 - Canada

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 3 251

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 04:56 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 517

You deserved it 3 769

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 17:31 - United States - Vista

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 792

You deserved it 5 721

Cheap

By SmokeWeedErdayAllDay - 18/04/2020 17:00

Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 237

Letting it all hang out

By zoomzoom - 10/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I had to send out yet another email reminding families that everyone must be fully dressed while in view of the screen. This includes the student, any other children and the adults in the home. I teach first grade. It’s almost a weekly occurrence to have to send these. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 118

By catsonuincorns - 15/04/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 448

You deserved it 225

By dileigh - 10/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 143

You deserved it 3 615

By MakesMeLol - 18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 6 758

By Notorch - 23/05/2012 15:53 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 474

You deserved it 2 505

By TJFuentes - 11/02/2015 13:39 - United States - Appleton

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 256

You deserved it 3 742

By burnt - 13/08/2012 04:43 - Australia - Middle Swan

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 065

You deserved it 3 331

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 994

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymoose - 19/08/2016 20:06

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 652

You deserved it 978

By AboutToBeHomeless - 03/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 829

You deserved it 726

By MadSon - 11/10/2009 02:59 - United States

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 928

You deserved it 4 088

By hcfan - 14/04/2009 11:18 - Australia

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 285

You deserved it 3 543

By spitt - 13/05/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 251

You deserved it 3 904

By bluskyz1979 - 17/05/2016 15:32 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 550

You deserved it 1 002

By probably single - 29/05/2015 18:28 - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 932

You deserved it 2 389

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 312

You deserved it 9 829

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 902

You deserved it 51 488

By SoDamnBroke - 28/09/2016 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 598

You deserved it 940

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 353

You deserved it 4 486

Congratulations

By GiannyLuv - 27/08/2021 20:01

Today, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding. Instead, I'm bedridden with the effects of fibromyalgia. When I called my friend to let her know I wouldn't be making it, her response was, "Can't you get fiber-malgia some other time and hurry the fuck up and come? This place charges by the hour." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 158

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - 10/11/2015 20:46 - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 999

You deserved it 1 635

By klv8 - 07/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 639

You deserved it 3 547

By leftwardfoil - 19/08/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 385

You deserved it 3 344

By scared2poop - 12/04/2016 02:30 - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 299

You deserved it 3 738

Especially for dad

By anonymous - 01/02/2020 20:00 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a cup. She said it was lemonade that she made with her friend. When I took a sip, she giggled and ran back to her room. It was not lemonade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 358

By Need To Bathe In Deodorant - 17/07/2016 19:23 - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 800

You deserved it 1 032

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

catatonicsleep 17

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:01

Didn't they have those mini binocular things they often have in theatres?

lizzieislovely 11

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:06

Ooooh i went to see that yesterday too!! It was so amazing. You have to go back and see it again with your glasses this time! It would be well worth it i promise you!

UnprecendentedAw 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:00

Contacts FTW!

Bobissmall 13

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 1:14

Maybe they only need glasses for long distance. Hence why it would be easy to forget them if they don't wear them often. I only wear mine for school.

JCHammer 5

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 5:05

Nerd

breena25 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 7:32

glasses don't make u a nerd they make u sexi

BisFitty 7

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 8:45

25 HA HAAA WIN 29 STFU

Buchitoo 4

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 9:57

Totally agree 29!!!! I use glasses and love them although most if the time I have my contacts.

robosonic 2

Send a private message

Monday 31 January 2011 7:55

What If there are holes in the glasses? maybe 4,000! That's the amount of holes in Blackburn, Lancashire! And though the holes are rather small, we have to count them all. Then we'll know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall! I'm surprised no one made that reference...

bigantennaemay 3

Send a private message

Monday 31 January 2011 16:14

no, he meant, 'nerd,' because OP wants to go to Cirque something or other, which is really boring and stupid. Only nerds are interested in that s**t.

lerouxmaster 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:42

36 - Yeah, bring cultivated, artsy and intelligent sucks ! Ignorance for the win ! Redneck Force.

randomburger 7

Send a private message

Friday 9 March 2012 4:09

-35 Beatles FTW!

catatonicsleep 17

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:01

Didn't they have those mini binocular things they often have in theatres?

JCHammer 5

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 5:06

That would be true, but those only work on us "seeing folk"

Arenina 4

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 6:26

Umm no, they sell ones that can be focused.

Midnightpearls 13

Send a private message

Friday 13 April 2012 17:09

Depending how nearsighted OP is, binoculars could be useless. Also, I have yet to see them being sold anywhere at performance halls I've been to.

fleckney26 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 9 September 2014 13:37

The Royal Albert hall doesn't have them, or at least I've never seen them there

lizzieislovely 11

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:06

Ooooh i went to see that yesterday too!! It was so amazing. You have to go back and see it again with your glasses this time! It would be well worth it i promise you!

missjessicaaaa 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:08

I agree! Stop complaining and get contacts

sarah48_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:09

agreed!

andrealovvve 17

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:10

shoulda brought themm !

TryptamineDreame 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:29

No lie, I did this same exact thing when I went to see cirque du soleil a couple of years ago, except I was near the stage so I got to see the amazing show. Sorry op :c

supertacowaffle 41

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:37

Don't they have mini binoculars in theatres?

T552 12

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:55

I hate it when that happens, leaving your glasses behind. You can go so far before you realise everything's blurry, especially if you're in a rush. I feel for you there OP. Bad times.