Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML
Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML
Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML
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Top comments
khed_fml 0
I've got one of those, but I keep it under my skin too...I call it "lard".
IIRoxieII 12
If that was me, I would say the same thing
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Comments (40)
Bumlove89 0
Kid do say the darndest things.
pwnrzero 0
indeed they do.
Sun_Kissed18 25
Keep telling yourself that, hun. Whatever it takes to sleep at night
usmcsniper16 0
shut the **** up "hun"
TheTruth1428 0
YDI for lying. If you're so insecure about your body that you have to lie to 4 year old kids, maybe you should put the food down, get off your fat ass, and do something about it. Either that or at least be secure enough in your chunkiness to admit you're fat and it isn't a fat suit.
xd0rkiee 0
Who the hell cares if he made a white lie? As if that lie is going to affect the kids in any damn way.
meezer008 0
i love how idiots like #19 who criticize overweight people are usually overweight themselves but dont have the balls to admit that and instead insult others because it makes them feel less shitty about themselves
Moemoemoe_fml 0
It's a white lie. XD And like #5 said, it's not far from the truth. XD
misspeg 0
I hate fmls about being fat. it's YDI every time. why don't you lay off the McDonalds for a while instead of whining about it on fml. loser.
fmylifelooser 0
Um, not every fat person gets fat because of McDonalds. Granted, that is common, but there are such diseases, like hypoglycemia, and stuff like that, that people can't help. So don;t just jump to conclusions thinking that every heavy person lazes around McDonalds all day. OP: This is really funny. You just made my day :)
begeru 0
What does him lying have to do with being called fat? He was called fat, and then he made a harmless white lie.
blackhawk465 0
I agree with #24. The OP should lose some weight if he doesn't want the truth from kids.
Ninjaface 0
You should have told them that your stomach was stretched out from the puppy you just ate. Then offered them your "special" candy. If that doesn't get them running, nothing will.
turtlebun777 0
haha I laughed so hard! too funny:)
tangerine_12 0
At least he called you mister, and not lardass.