Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML
Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML
Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML
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Top comments
khed_fml 0
I've got one of those, but I keep it under my skin too...I call it "lard".
IIRoxieII 12
If that was me, I would say the same thing
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Comments (40)
pinkphonepinkpho 16
they are 4 . telling them a harmless white like isn't going to ruin them . and #19 get over your self , you sound like a prick .
lameshow 0
nice life. go for a run.
TheImaginarySong 16
Don't feel bad dude I would have said the same thing.
unlucky_lucy 17
Little kids are mean and they will never know if you lied so good choice
tjw1616 21
have no shame op, I would have just said "nope I'm just fat," & laughed it off, they're children & don't have a censor yet, I wouldn't let it get you down