Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. I was a smartass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML
Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the driveway, hitting my leg, and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Tell her a joke about her lungs.
FFML_314 12
Bitch slap her back.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
datkid117 13
And you let her do this why? =]
5t3ff1k4h 47
YDI for not being funny.
perdix 31
Telling her the one about the pipe, the cigar and the cigarette walking into a bar was rude and insensitive of you. (It's like telling a fattie the one about the donut, the French fry and the milkshake on a desert island.) Verdict: YDI
holycraplions 4
If this is actually true—don't post about it on the internet, call the goddamn police.
sheldonmack_10 0
LMAO Dats ****** Up But Its Still Funny As Hell
2igutierrez31 2
dang suks 4 u
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for having a mom. YDI for having stairs in your home without the protection of Pusher Robot (Shover Robot is malfunctioning). YDI for being a wuss and getting knocked down some stairs just from a slap. At least when you go to the doctor's office, you'll be telling the truth when you say "I fell down some stairs".
justsayfuck 5
YDI for saying I she?
Trollz4daLULZ 2
I thought it was an homage to the sbemail with "I she be your girlfriend". No, wait, I lied. I don't bother YDI-ing mistakes in the OP anymore b/c the mods remove the mistakes, rendering that YDI obsolete/irrelevant. I only post YDIs that people actually DESERVE, like "YDI for having a mother" and other such horrible sins.
WiseGuy79 14
Lmao 21 and OP just grind up some nicorette into her food That should settle her down a bit lol
bernzz 0
op your a sad little man
FFML_314 12
Where's the MOTHER ******* apostrophe re?
FFML_314 12
Well, if you want to learn how to spell, you could go to Hooked on Phonics.