Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. I was a smartass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML
Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the driveway, hitting my leg, and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Tell her a joke about her lungs.
FFML_314 12
Bitch slap her back.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
TooBored13 0
YDI OP. If you knew anything about nicotine withdrawal you would know that the physical withdrawal only lasts about 3 days, but it gets worst before its over. So basically you are cracking jokes at your mom when she is in the worst mood she can be in from quitting. Genius. Next time she quits (and yes, there will be a next time) go for GOLD and crack jokes while she is in withdrawal and on her period. She will throw you out a second story window FTW!
maskedman 9
Maybe she thought your slinky impression would be funnier.
backoffahole 3
lmao
rakidori 0
thats messed up......
804pheonix 0
Are you an adult...?
kemolegend907 0
BITCH SLAP!!!!! hahaha this is so ******* funny!!!!!
perfectlybrokenx 0
vegetable Salad. that's it.
Hwikek 2
I almost used "leet speak" when I read this
xSuperxSarahx 0
Freeze you're picture sucks. and rofl @ at being bitch slapped(x
Freeze_fml 17
your* Also, what? You like Paramore? FYL.
lawlatyourfml 0
YDI for being dumb enough to joke around with somebody that is having nicotine withdrawals. ever tried to quit smoking? i have. best advice i can give, either shut the **** up for a week at least or stay as far away as possible