By Louis

FML's Showdown #13

Another selection of contenders for this week's crown, with this time bad dance moves coming under close scrutiny.

Favorite

Videos

Messed up

Season finale

This Charming Man

By disboydanielx

Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2500

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By MulticoloredSlug - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12320

You deserved it

1380

Favorite

By CrimsonAmaryllis - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39383

You deserved it

4136

Favorite

By AW

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39574

You deserved it

3011

Favorite

By It's-only15-lbs-extra

Not. Helping.

Today, because of my full-time job, full-time courses, studying for the GRE, anxiety disorder, insomnia, and a recent pet death, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My mother texted, "Looking through old photos, you were so skinny, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

5366

You deserved it

429

Favorite

By dee - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27709

You deserved it

3303

Favorite

By just a reaction - 17/8/2020 23:09

This ain't working out

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2767

You deserved it

292

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fayette

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32175

You deserved it

2146

Favorite

By Lisa

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2504

You deserved it

236

Favorite

By sydstreet - United States - Arlington

Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23610

You deserved it

5664

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3140

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salinas

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11942

You deserved it

21660

Favorite

By jealousgirl - United Kingdom

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29324

You deserved it

8018

Favorite

By fatty punani

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1269

You deserved it

603

Favorite

By Creep - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

18290

You deserved it

149123

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Johnson City

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13590

You deserved it

41907

Favorite

By meat is meat

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1136

You deserved it

2246

Favorite

By julian

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3549

You deserved it

253

Favorite

By hard_headed - United States

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15846

You deserved it

22922

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16928

You deserved it

41826

Favorite

By KyngJulian - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35631

You deserved it

19662

Favorite

By petmosch

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6159

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By tatfreak - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17713

You deserved it

36319

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64557

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

By ReineXre

Weirdo

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15378

You deserved it

707

Favorite

By Anonymous

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

713

You deserved it

1078

Favorite

By phonnah - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30207

You deserved it

3206

Favorite

By AirOne - United States

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50542

You deserved it

10765

Favorite

By sweeeeet - United States

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35902

You deserved it

2206

Favorite

By Can2 - United States - Houston

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41433

You deserved it

14301

Favorite

By plantfood - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and an elderly woman asked if I could put her carry on into the overhead bin. Eager to help, I energetically lifted her bag up, and smacked her in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32947

You deserved it

6307

Favorite

By eyebags - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10358

You deserved it

885

Favorite

By cole - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21348

You deserved it

61395

Favorite

By "burnuptowndow"

Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3608

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By Aleial - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46387

You deserved it

4038

Favorite

By socks - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Monday madness

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "Days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26842

You deserved it

10149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/3/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Nice place

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

667

You deserved it

165

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25625

You deserved it

1919

Favorite

By dhskkf - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50501

You deserved it

7326

Favorite

By Eric Ngan - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24157

You deserved it

2136

Favorite

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Top comments

By Michael Frederick | 7

#7470458 - Thursday 15 June 2017 4:56

#1...Dee ?? ???

By sunkissedfreckle | 15

#7471288 - Friday 16 June 2017 14:46

Alyssa

COMMENTS

By mike3775 | 33

#7470295 - Wednesday 14 June 2017 21:31

By Dreamer5393 | 21

#7470355 - Wednesday 14 June 2017 23:17

By RichardPencil | 30

#7470388 - Thursday 15 June 2017 0:39

Alyssa

By sunshine1421 | 14

#7470395 - Thursday 15 June 2017 0:58

all of the above... #1 should have know better though

By Michael Frederick | 7

#7470458 - Thursday 15 June 2017 4:56

#1...Dee ?? ???

By IAmClay | 24

#7470761 - Thursday 15 June 2017 18:41

Alyssa

By Talented73 | 54

#7470768 - Thursday 15 June 2017 18:59

Livi

By earljonez | 22

#7471046 - Friday 16 June 2017 6:52

I'd pound the shit outta Dee

By sunkissedfreckle | 15

#7471288 - Friday 16 June 2017 14:46

Alyssa

By RAS266 | 6

#7472352 - Sunday 18 June 2017 6:12

Dee....ouch...