Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML
Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML
Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML
Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
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Top comments
yerawizardlizzy 27
Here's what my self-defense coach taught my class: Any minor injury you receive in self-defense is much better than a major injury, or even death, from not defending yourself. In reality you probably would have knocked out your attacker, or at least disoriented them enough to get away. You dislocated your shoulder, but you got away alive, right? It's not very likely you'll ever escape an attack completely unharmed, so don't sweat it. Yeah it sucked that it happened in class, but you know what you need to do.
bbambastic 16
It took an hour just to pop your shoulder back in?
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Comments (51)
hannahpk 11
You were lucky to only be in hospital for an hour! I dislocated my elbow and I was in hospital for 8 hours. 5 minutes of that was A&E (as I came in by ambulance) and the rest was x-rays, them putting it back in and vomiting from the morphine!
MitchRapp 20
I had dislocated my shoulder a lot. If you're over 23 or so you shouldn't have any laying effects (except hurting like a bitch for a few days) if you're younger there is a high chance it will dislocate again. Hope it heals quick.
goodread2200 10
Defending yourself will hurt. It hurts to hit someone - it really does. The best at self defence know this and keep going anyway. BUT maybe try a move that doesn't dislocate your shoulder because it's much harder to go on despite the pain. Good luck with your recovery.
catherinecas 30
Alternate ice and heat, OP! I have Ehlers-Danlos and dislocate my shoulders pretty regularly D: Also, if you strengthen the muscles around your shoulders and other major joints it can help prevent future dislocations. Good luck with your training!
militarybrat 21
Omgosh me too! Zebra buddies! Lol.
catherinecas 30
Eyyy! I knew there were a few of us on here!
Yahboi1 11
Congratulations, you played yourself.
zach055 23
YDI for taking a self-defence class. Seriously, I have no sympathy when an injury is a person's own fault.
CaityMandy 10
You should talk to somebody about getting softer helmets
katertott 44
Jeez, was no one else knowledgeable enough to relocate it sooner? They could have saved you time, pain, and money. Take it easy, OP. You deserve it!
Tomryan279 10
I have no idea how hitting a helmet will dislocate your shoulder. With out knowing more info I would like to recommend drinking more milk. Good luck with the self defense class. KICK'EM IN THE NUTZ
RedCronos 17
Maybe you need to start with basics like wax on, wax off.