Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML
Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML
Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML
Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
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Top comments
yerawizardlizzy 27
Here's what my self-defense coach taught my class: Any minor injury you receive in self-defense is much better than a major injury, or even death, from not defending yourself. In reality you probably would have knocked out your attacker, or at least disoriented them enough to get away. You dislocated your shoulder, but you got away alive, right? It's not very likely you'll ever escape an attack completely unharmed, so don't sweat it. Yeah it sucked that it happened in class, but you know what you need to do.
bbambastic 16
It took an hour just to pop your shoulder back in?
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Comments (51)
yerawizardlizzy 27
Here's what my self-defense coach taught my class: Any minor injury you receive in self-defense is much better than a major injury, or even death, from not defending yourself. In reality you probably would have knocked out your attacker, or at least disoriented them enough to get away. You dislocated your shoulder, but you got away alive, right? It's not very likely you'll ever escape an attack completely unharmed, so don't sweat it. Yeah it sucked that it happened in class, but you know what you need to do.
Wizardo 34
In Soviet Russia...
Mooglefox 24
They didn't teach you that in your first class?
JustSomeBroad 24
I suppose the bright side is at least the helmet did its job? Get yourself into a nice hot bath with Epsom salt, you'll feel so much better.
pasupathymuthu 16
We are our greatest enemy... On a philosophical note.
Batibat 8
My 10 year old niece dislocated her shoulder doing gymnastics and didn't cry once lol. She popped it back in herself
zeffra13 31
Kids aren't as calcified as adults, it's easier for them. Especially if it's been dislocated before.
tj4234 36
It's really dangerous to pop a dislocated shoulder back in yourself. You can cause internal bleeding if a blood vessel has fallen into the joint. Doctors check for that kind of thing at Accident and Emergency before they pop the joint back in.
militarybrat 21
Your kid is lucky it didnt result in permanently damage. Still might. Should keep an eye on it.
Shay_Shay97 23
Go for the throat. You can't get beat if your attacker is unconscious. Or dead.
PotatoGod 5
A few months ago I popped my left knee cap out of place because I was born with weird knees and when I saw it was out of place I just casually popped it back in, it didn't hurt at all till a few hours later
GeeThatSucks 9
Well now you know you can hit hard enough to dislocate a shoulder. And what are the odds that a football player is going to attack you?
TearfulTurtles 6
Ever thought of a concealed carry permit? Learn how to use a gun safely, and you can have protection anywhere you go
Nyattack 14
With that mentality, I can't imagine how mamy accidental deaths and severe injuries there are in countries that allow this... Guns don't equal safety ; when basically anybody outside could have one, they equal more danger...