Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 19:35 - United States

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32669

You deserved it

3866

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Trip Advisor says no

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By cxcrktkt - 12/4/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68565

You deserved it

12850

Tweet

Share

By Insanity - 9/4/2015 05:28 - France - La Poste

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31041

You deserved it

7671

Tweet

Share

By BigLove - 5/2/2014 02:25 - United States - Stoneham

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52369

You deserved it

5280

Tweet

Share

By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30931

You deserved it

3354

Tweet

Share

By hitchhiked - 4/1/2012 06:28 - United States

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12925

You deserved it

85766

Tweet

Share

By ashleynicolle - 25/2/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11636

You deserved it

36722

Tweet

Share

By Roma - 16/6/2017 14:00 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5105

You deserved it

491

Tweet

Share

By Alex Andreas - 2/7/2015 03:10 - United States - Edmond

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26604

You deserved it

2421

Tweet

Share

By WithoutLove - 30/8/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16612

You deserved it

32884

Tweet

Share

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35862

You deserved it

5706

Tweet

Share

By Kelli - 8/4/2020 02:00

That slaps!

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

887

Tweet

Share

By Ellie - 9/10/2013 23:15 - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37269

You deserved it

7068

Tweet

Share

By Sue - 26/3/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36954

You deserved it

3512

Tweet

Share

By JustEwww - 22/10/2009 21:24 - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35074

You deserved it

13340

Tweet

Share

By pathetic - 6/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36930

You deserved it

22483

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 17/7/2014 02:46 - United States - Romulus

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43871

You deserved it

5200

Tweet

Share

By 00sasori - 27/3/2013 05:41 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38048

You deserved it

2978

Tweet

Share

By erika - 28/7/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15797

You deserved it

46811

Tweet

Share

By dontbuysamsung - 22/4/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26047

You deserved it

5726

Tweet

Share

By homealone - 3/5/2012 04:39 - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28673

You deserved it

3787

Tweet

Share

By AbsentMindedGal - 21/12/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39668

You deserved it

22507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2019 18:00

Today, I still can't get my ex out of my house. It's been a year and he, "refuses to give up on something special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2029

You deserved it

539

Tweet

Share

By rolled - 27/1/2018 01:30

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4153

You deserved it

475

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35510

You deserved it

8318

Tweet

Share

By UncleMonkey - 6/3/2015 06:18 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16535

You deserved it

44880

Tweet

Share

By jared576 - 5/6/2015 03:01

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34598

You deserved it

2660

Tweet

Share

By wrecked - 23/1/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27615

You deserved it

6560

Tweet

Share

By Cammy - 29/4/2009 07:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19293

You deserved it

63133

Tweet

Share

By JT - 26/9/2015 13:08 - Luxembourg

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28677

You deserved it

3294

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/9/2012 12:31 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my 28-year-old husband's gamer rage is when I came home to a smashed TV. This is the second TV in three months that he's destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24935

You deserved it

4379

Tweet

Share

By JustCantWin - 17/10/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33374

You deserved it

3790

Tweet

Share

By Mary - 4/12/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49799

You deserved it

4053

Tweet

Share

By BigDreamer - 9/2/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2135

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 19:53 - United States

Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42097

You deserved it

4038

Tweet

Share

By DrakeB - 20/1/2013 16:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20735

You deserved it

43601

Tweet

Share

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16012

You deserved it

33331

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 05:52 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23541

You deserved it

10960

Tweet

Share

By GrahamCracker - 21/5/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52545

You deserved it

8899

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48562

You deserved it

6367

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2018 15:00

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4447

You deserved it

532

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wizardroxx | 3

#1780892 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:04

Did you accept?

By starile | 19

#1780912 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:06

Maybe you parents shouldn't have made your middle name Captain Penisface. :c sucks to be you..

COMMENTS

By lmafmlm | 0

#1780868 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:01

1st

Reply

SceneXmatrixX | 0

#1780886 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:03

haha u beat me by 1 second !!

Reply

beren456 | 1

#1780898 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:05

haha I get it cause you're second! y do ppl still care about getting first it just means you were on when the next batch of fmls were released.

Reply

Molord1 | 0

#1780922 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:09

because it's an xbox live achievement worth 150 Gamerscore. Also, it's pretty funny how angry people react. I'm always too slow to get first though =(

Reply

untoward | 0

#1780949 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:18

#2 it actually looks like you were behind by 2 seconds. OP, fb is stupid. I wanted to change my last name to my bf's last name and it wouldn't allow the name Mister.

Reply

R34luver | 5

#1781035 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:38

same here

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1781050 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:41

OP, The names Galactic Toast, pleased to meet you! Also, what's your middle name? Qwerty?

Reply

pengiesully | 0

#1781363 - Thursday 2 December 2010 1:51

yeah ur life sucks, cuz of a facebook fail! grow up people
emo kids //.o

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1781487 - Thursday 2 December 2010 2:42

1 kid cudi is better at freestyling than drake sorry I know it's random but I had to say that.

Reply

ChubbyCake | 5

#1781514 - Thursday 2 December 2010 3:07

haha I love facebook:]

Reply

KupkakeKitten | 8

#1781554 - Thursday 2 December 2010 3:34

since when are names DENIED from facebook?

Reply

Orexym | 1

#1781778 - Thursday 2 December 2010 5:12

Since when does it look more professional to put your middle name on FACEBOOK? :)

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1781936 - Thursday 2 December 2010 6:05

^ probably because his name before that was Astronomic Bagel(:

Reply

xKillerCx | 0

#1782147 - Thursday 2 December 2010 8:11

haha are u kidding me?? he sucks
dick

Reply

c0c0_fml | 16

#1782302 - Thursday 2 December 2010 9:04

lol ur pic is hilarious

Reply

c0c0_fml | 16

#1782308 - Thursday 2 December 2010 9:06

#11

Reply

st0n333d | 0

#1783677 - Thursday 2 December 2010 15:24

LOL drake reads his lyrics off a blackberry. Watch the funk flex freestyle Drake is a joke when it comes to freestyling.

Reply

mollysarah | 0

#1785433 - Friday 3 December 2010 1:22

your icon is love. DRIZZY! :)

Reply

cyberhoy | 3

#1793238 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:00

A friend used to have his middle name as "peepee"

Reply

luvyah | 0

#1795340 - Sunday 5 December 2010 3:48

thanks 4 the info...*awquard silence* :&

Reply

mcrptv | 17

#6191433 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 21:08

"Emo kids" do you know what "Emo" means

By Wizardroxx | 3

#1780892 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:04

Did you accept?

Reply

gkings18 | 1

#1781344 - Thursday 2 December 2010 1:45

haha your stomach looks like an alien

Reply

sweet_candy_ | 17

#1781471 - Thursday 2 December 2010 2:27

That's not her so shhhhhh.

Reply

Wizardroxx | 3

#1781474 - Thursday 2 December 2010 2:30

Alien? ROFL. Shut up, he's dead. At least he wasn't some lazy ass who judges peoples pictures on some website...online...behind a screen.

Reply

stfuscrub420 | 0

#1781531 - Thursday 2 December 2010 3:23

rip sammy i love you

Reply

KillTheDance | 4

#1781602 - Thursday 2 December 2010 4:03

Awww that's so sad, I'm sorry :(

Reply

Wizardroxx | 3

#1781669 - Thursday 2 December 2010 4:41

Not your fault. Thanks for caring though :)

Reply

VinegarStrokes | 0

#1782182 - Thursday 2 December 2010 8:22

How does the person in the photo being dead have anything to do with the fact that his stomach, or that he himself, looks strange or "alienesque"?

Reply

Rawket_Lawnchair | 0

#1782261 - Thursday 2 December 2010 8:47

Looks like he died of epic faggotry.

Reply

hairt | 4

#1782293 - Thursday 2 December 2010 9:01

43 read her desc >:(

Reply

flamegrilled123 | 3

#1782646 - Thursday 2 December 2010 10:13

43 you're a prick

By amysousa | 6

#1780896 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:05

hahaha that could be a real last name?

Reply

iThinkImSane | 0

#1781480 - Thursday 2 December 2010 2:34

4- You went to Fairbank right? o.o

Reply

amysousa | 6

#1788349 - Friday 3 December 2010 14:10

50- yes
105- thanks. I hate my hair :/

Reply

linarahmany | 6

#4909306 - Saturday 8 September 2012 19:44

I know tons of people with the name galctic toast:) I think ur hair look nice

By pacino101 | 0

#1780900 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:05

hahaha this is epic!

Reply

Atomicsoap | 0

#1782899 - Thursday 2 December 2010 11:55

Galactic Toast is a stupid name.

Reply

I_lost_the_game | 25

#3983707 - Thursday 2 February 2012 23:16

114- but it seems legit.

Reply

22cute | 17

#4142742 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:56

That's my daughters Facebook name!

By starile | 19

#1780912 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:06

Maybe you parents shouldn't have made your middle name Captain Penisface. :c sucks to be you..

Reply

OhYeaYourLifeSuc | 0

#1781742 - Thursday 2 December 2010 5:00

Ahaha I see what you did there.

Reply

BDTM | 0

#1783765 - Thursday 2 December 2010 16:06

#8 lol nice

By sinnikle | 5

#1780915 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:07

I wonder if there is any relation to Powdered Toast Man?

Reply

stacysmom | 0

#1781069 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:48

Best comment ever.

Reply

ichliebedich_fml | 0

#1781609 - Thursday 2 December 2010 4:09

you look like mr. t

Reply

whatyotalkinbout | 0

#1782616 - Thursday 2 December 2010 10:07

70 not really

Reply

st0n333d | 0

#1783681 - Thursday 2 December 2010 15:27

^ hey I know you.... your that security guard!

By vballcutie08 | 6

#1780919 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:09

ive been friend requested by Ifukyou Longtime...surly your middle name can't be that unrealistic haha

By sweet_candy_ | 17

#1780947 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:18

Sounds like a cool username to me :)

By Mirorbo | 26

#1780964 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:23

It's amazing how many legit names are denied, yet you see so many people with oh-so obviously false names on Facebook. It's a broken system, really.

Reply

tencentsakiss | 19

#1783035 - Thursday 2 December 2010 12:31

I think it depends on who approves it.

Reply

Cyosaric | 0

#1783335 - Thursday 2 December 2010 13:57

No. only middle names have to be approved. It took almost four days for mine to submit, but I could change my first and last in an instant.

By machiko_fml | 0

#1780994 - Thursday 2 December 2010 0:28

Your middle name must be pretty weird if they don't think its legit enough. I mean there are thousands of people with unrealistic names on facebook.

Reply

30STMluvva | 0

#1781557 - Thursday 2 December 2010 3:35

Oh my god are you a 30 Seconds To Mars fan??!! yay :)

Reply

apcfan009 | 0

#1781869 - Thursday 2 December 2010 5:42

i hate the word legit...

Reply

pwincessa23 | 1

#1782192 - Thursday 2 December 2010 8:25

Legit!!!!!!!

Reply

TotalAnimeFreak | 0

#1782249 - Thursday 2 December 2010 8:42

my nephew's middle name is Thriller. I wonder if that would be accepted.