Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML
Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
Today, I went to a casino with $300 to spend and somehow walked out with $21K. When I told my wife, she sighed and moaned about how annoying taxes will be, and how I should have pushed my luck further. The house always wins, even when it loses. FML
Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML
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Top comments
pwnrzero 0
you got the 200 dollars and most money goes through much grosser stuff anyway, without you knowing deal with it, and take it like a a mature human being! [i couldn't say man because i didnt know if you are a man]
untoldfame 3
so, you go to a strip club, looking at the strippers, giving them money, but when they try giving you money you think its gross? maybe you should give it to them in envolopes next time :)
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Comments (150)
EziyaMinamoto 0
Well, where did your previous dollar bills come from?
charskull 0
Your a ducking luring sack of shot you made this fml up because I'm a stripper and the money doeseny go in the pot we take are money we make on stadge and put it in are bag. Plus you can't touch strippers only throw the money on stadge icould Go on and on on how u lies here
liltys 0
#139, your spell and grammar are awful. and wouldnt the dynamics of the club and the pay out vary from club to club especially based on location and general sceevieness of the club?
ConfusedGuy 0
Use napkins or gloves or something. You won $200. Stop complaining. YOUR LIFE IS FINE.
Fop 6
Just about all money are bacterial bombs. Personally I wash my hands, or if I'm away from home, use hand-disinfection after I've come in contact with money. Most money has gone through worse things than a buttcrack..
blondebutterfly8 5
I would be more worried about which strippers had explosive diarreha from all the stds. Chose Wisely!!!
skiBOAT 0
You got $200 and you're actually complaining? Let alone posting an FML?Jesus.
Guitarist45 0
hey, if you don't want it, I'll take it.
Zic_fml 7
oh i get it i get it! it's because you got C$, not US$ amirite??
bsias4ever 0
My mom got me a new laptop for my birthday. I sold it because my old one was fairly new and still worked fine. My laptop died.