Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
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Top comments
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
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Comments (95)
JennaXRawr 0
Lol, thanks guys, after reading these comments, I had to register on this site and give you guys the full story since my submission could only have 300 characters. I was sitting on the ground, cleaning out my horses' water bucket. I was wearing shorts, and I apparently sat on a nest of them without knowing. I felt a pain and I stood up to find a crapton of ants crawling around on the ground. Sadly, I was wearing cut off shorts, so some of the ants were "weaved" into the strings that hung from the end of my shorts. I began to rub them off crazily and cursing while they kept biting away...let's just say my horse gave me the weirdest look in the word :) You guys make me laugh :P
evildemonchild 18
ouch but hey least you lived :D
UpYoursInAdvance 0
OKay???
barbarajean 0
At least you have a cool nickname...
jrcoleman17 0
U better call 911 cuz her ass is on FIRE!!!
lilkilla13 0
how the hell did u get ant bites there anyway? what is that a new technique of masturbation? and those fee ants didn't go to where u wanted for ur ******
Senseless_487 29
I'm pretty sure she explained the story. #58 was OP. You should read a bit before you post.
JennaXRawr 0
Oh aren't you funny ? Read my comment which completely explains how I got bit, genius :)
heavymetalman1 0
Please, your parents probably caught you with an eniema bag up your ass and thats why they call you firebutt.
brittanynsimons 0
the gift that keeps giving... lol... It's called herp.
XDsmile 0
poor fire butt! :)
maryamd 3
I feel you I got attacked by a group of them yesterday and some random bug bit me today too :(
nikkibabes 1
haha :)
spiderbesideher 0
scratch it