Intimacy: Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights...

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 175

You deserved it 42 709

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Same thing different taste

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 423

You deserved it 15 953

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 682

You deserved it 12 032

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 948

You deserved it 4 228

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 11:44 - United States

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 750

You deserved it 40 315

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 367

You deserved it 8 817

Overbearing girlfriend

By Jake - 16/09/2013 19:08 - United States - Albany

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 436

You deserved it 8 249

By larvagirl23 - 18/06/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 898

You deserved it 5 322

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 266

You deserved it 62 360

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 714

You deserved it 33 238

By is_that_right - 27/12/2014 19:14 - United States - El Paso

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 965

You deserved it 2 947

OcampoFTW 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 8:57

At least she told you bout it

danford80 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 8:58

Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!

Comments

pickles2b2 4

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:39

you sir, are a man *****, ydi for sleeping with random women!

RamonaDowdley 0

Wednesday 19 October 2011 21:34

First of all did you call her back the next day?? She could of said it out of anger !! You need to treat woman that you sleep with respect??

thismustbeit 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 8:46

does it burn when u pee?

BndY19 0

Thursday 10 November 2011 17:53

hah thats suk

vcolvin 0

Wednesday 16 November 2011 4:29

That's why you shouldn't sleep with random people. If you do it would be wise to protect yourself. What if she was HIV positive?!

Humanspider 18

Friday 9 December 2011 8:44

You need it to wrap it up. Wrap it up! And cue the music. I really miss the Chappelle Show.

richieflow 3

Thursday 29 December 2011 12:07

Well just cut it off bro

resplendencerino_fml 3

Saturday 7 January 2012 0:13

Seeing as she thinks youve caught whatever she has, I'm guessing you didn't wear a condom. You. Deserve. It.

Kade20 4

Tuesday 4 December 2012 10:48

FYI! GIRLS DON'T SLEEP WITH THIS GUY! lol

zombieslayer83 19

Friday 11 January 2013 19:25

Wrap it ups

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Family Kids Fight Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception Medication Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 623

You deserved it 34 712

Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 192

The Top

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 668

You deserved it 5 052

Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that I deserved to be punished. He didn’t fine me, instead he sent me to the naughty step for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 185

Today, I woke up with viral pink eye in both eyes. I work at a daycare and half the staff got it. We live in a state where there's mandatory sick time for all employees but people still take their sick kids to daycare. It's been a month of pink eye in my facility and I feel like it's never going to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 84

Today, a girl said hi to me very enthusiastically at school, and I heard her friends laughing afterward. I was too lazy to put in my contact lenses this morning so I couldn't tell who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 669

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 717

Today, my fiancé told me he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 528

You deserved it 3 932

Same thing different taste

No. Just… No.

Overbearing girlfriend

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