Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been... - FML

By Phobic_fml

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1434

You deserved it

822

Tweet

Share

Family values

Messed up

Not now, mom!

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13756

You deserved it

34583

Tweet

Share

By JessMelodique

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8123

You deserved it

719

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37732

You deserved it

3659

Tweet

Share

By thermos - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19100

You deserved it

53041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97976

You deserved it

16684

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15939

You deserved it

5502

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34239

You deserved it

3618

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 23:01

Whoops

Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

224

You deserved it

789

Tweet

Share

By are you kidding me - United States - Wichita

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35838

You deserved it

2681

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1919

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By FailedSalesman - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6935

You deserved it

1002

Tweet

Share

By thedogkisser - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12072

You deserved it

83986

Tweet

Share

By maddyUnderstood

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1690

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By mrsekko - United States

Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41639

You deserved it

5256

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58157

You deserved it

3414

Tweet

Share

By carsuck - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29269

You deserved it

4137

Tweet

Share

By Dana422 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19321

You deserved it

39041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out my fiancé can't wear his ring at his parents house cause his mom and dad don’t want him to marry me, and it has nothing to do with me. They don’t like my parents so I’m not good enough for their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2980

You deserved it

175

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Bumbling

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2503

You deserved it

547

Tweet

Share

By bad doc

Save Me

Today, I had to repeat myself multiple times and dumb down all my anatomical terms and symptoms while describing my illness to my doctor. I want to switch, but my insurance won’t cover another one for at least 60 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1334

You deserved it

139

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43616

You deserved it

5764

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55881

You deserved it

6684

Tweet

Share

By NewBride - United States - Lincoln

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60707

You deserved it

5564

Tweet

Share

By babygirllxo - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36436

You deserved it

7135

Tweet

Share

By NotYourFriend

Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13001

You deserved it

827

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Stamford

Where were you?

Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

683

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

By Rachael - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24014

You deserved it

1858

Tweet

Share

By keyless - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29271

You deserved it

2181

Tweet

Share

By JamesK

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8850

You deserved it

2570

Tweet

Share

By DirtyCharmed - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38585

You deserved it

2617

Tweet

Share

By romoangel - 21/4/2020 05:00

Full of it

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1378

You deserved it

464

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18314

You deserved it

59784

Tweet

Share

By whowhat - United States

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64527

You deserved it

4016

Tweet

Share

By SmellyCloset - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39579

You deserved it

4897

Tweet

Share

By RedFace - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14077

You deserved it

35271

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 02:00

Deception

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1673

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

810

You deserved it

261

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23719

You deserved it

1758

Tweet

Share

By gvmfvr - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46054

You deserved it

3947

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28689

You deserved it

2534

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By blueknight1st | 26

#7816395 - Friday 28 June 2019 22:42

And why didn’t you do something about your feelings sooner?

By Shawnie Gallant | 24

#7816424 - Saturday 29 June 2019 1:43

I had a crush once. I told her, and we’ve been together 5 years. Work on it. Don’t just sit and wait.

COMMENTS

By blueknight1st | 26

#7816395 - Friday 28 June 2019 22:42

And why didn’t you do something about your feelings sooner?

By bigredmonkeybutt | 24

#7816418 - Saturday 29 June 2019 1:15

You snooze, you lose.

By Shawnie Gallant | 24

#7816424 - Saturday 29 June 2019 1:43

I had a crush once. I told her, and we’ve been together 5 years. Work on it. Don’t just sit and wait.

Reply

SkullHQ | 27

#7817360 - Tuesday 2 July 2019 6:14

This has never worked out for me

By acmariner99 | 24

#7816439 - Saturday 29 June 2019 3:11

You snooze, you lose.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7816450 - Saturday 29 June 2019 4:37

You move slow, don’t you?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7816459 - Saturday 29 June 2019 6:17

Imagine the other end of this scale. You could have done a full Romeo and Juliet. That was like 3-4 days, or something. Which is insane.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7816479 - Saturday 29 June 2019 8:13

If you did not react tell her and try to woo her then you have nothing to complain about.

By alycion | 38

#7816522 - Saturday 29 June 2019 10:30

Unless if she’s been with this person for 10 years and you didn’t make a move out of respect, learn from this. Being turned down sucks, but you aren’t left wondering.

By ftpallday666 | 16

#7816570 - Saturday 29 June 2019 13:32

It wasn’t meant to be honey, you will find someone who is perfect for you one day. Likelihood is, she’s not the girl you think she is.

By stormy0307 | 16

#7816579 - Saturday 29 June 2019 14:53

Fortune favors the bold