Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking...

By Devon - 20/05/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 22 950

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 910

You deserved it 36 532

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 088

You deserved it 40 715

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 016

You deserved it 25 929

Lost

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 965

You deserved it 8 738

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 129

By goldenshower - 05/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 506

You deserved it 56 544

WTH happened?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 379

You deserved it 42 563

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 1 911

Mind the gap

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 771

You deserved it 2 606

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 09:34 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 418

You deserved it 3 042

marmots 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:50

It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.

cwmbear 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:54

was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?

Comments

ijustlaugh 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 17:00

ahw someone already thought to ask of you were Kesha oh well. I'm pretty sure you were at least partying with her lol

Loaffer 2

Saturday 21 May 2011 17:23

holy shit that's terribly awesome

jamrho3708 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 17:27

that's amazing

doodlemunster 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 17:59

lmfao wow

tamoodielovesmar 1

Saturday 21 May 2011 18:29

ya got wasted!!

soulfulemo 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 19:14

..*cough* don't look at me...>> I was occupied with the original Ke$ha

Uncle_Ben96 5

Saturday 21 May 2011 19:33

Somebody roofied you

Purpleroxs360 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 20:04

either roofies or u had a hangover the movie type shit happen

gardenwhipped 5

Sunday 22 May 2011 6:27

Dial Tone] [Numbers being pressed] Hello, Thank you for calling Disturbing Tha Peace. To help expodate your call, please listen carefully to the following options. If you're calling to solicit a demo tape, press 1. If you're calling regarding a job, press 2. If you're calling to borrow money, press 3. If you're calling to find the nearest weed spot in your area, press 4. If you're out of alcohol on Sunday, press 5. If you need a ho for the evening, press 6. If you woke up with a hangover and a pair of hairy balls on your forehead, press 7. [Number gets pressed] You've just pressed 7. You've been victimized and introduced to a moral crime known as t baggin'. We suggest you probably hang up the phone, beat the ass of any white guys you hung out with last night, and find and destroy all photos before they appear on the Internet. Thank you for calling. Good luck. Goodbye. I would also suggest you quit drinking.