Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML
Today, I rented a holiday cottage, assuring the owner I was a very tidy person. Then I sliced my finger while cooking and got blood on the kitchen towels and the cream rug, then the wound opened up again during my shower, I didn’t notice and now there’s blood on the white bathroom towels. FML
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML
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Top comments
wombatkid 0
Ewwww!!!!!!!
mexicantumblewee 0
that's sick. you should make him eggs and scratch your sack with the spatchula
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Comments (59)
Domonator 16
Step 1: Drop the teatowel Step 2: Ask roommate to pick it up Step 3: Insert the skewer into the nearest asshole
OhMyGushness 0
Brilliante. I applaud you for your creativity.
MQ_was_here 0
I applaud you for your display picture.
suzzierose 0
I agree with 43.
seldoodrekcinS 0
but if you were holding it at your side, then... yours would be closest... unless you were talking about the asshole who is their roomate... then yes
teacher411 0
Haha. That's an awesome idea!!!
Domonator 16
For those who are unsure, the roommate is most definitely an asshole. Any self-insertion practiced by the OP is neither advised nor condoned by the Domonator.
totli 0
nasty
hiyoko 0
I guess your roommate was being resourceful.
TheFern 0
oh my gods that's disgusting!
shiritt 0
at least he doesn't sniff other people butt's, otherwise i would have thought he had the hygiene of an animal.
protwtf 0
Sniffing and licking ass if one of the greater gifts bestowed upon us by our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. So idk what you're talking about.
protwtf 0
All the nonsense about original sin, and the ten commandments is nothing is comparison to what the mighty prophets Three 6 Mafia taught us. Licking on nuts, and sucking on butt.
JRSpaniel 0
Oh ewwww. D: An even bigger FML would be if you had been planning on making kebabs later...
suzieq181218 0
Chew her ass out. And you should probably just throw that skewer out...
Cinn_fml 23
So long as the skewer gets properly washed it'll be fine, there is no need to throw it out. This is a bit gross though, I mean, who does that without washing it up again afterwards!? I'm a great believer in the fact that not every surface has to be dettox sprayed and everything, but there is a basic level of clean that should just go without saying. Like people have said OP, just be glad you saw them and now know that they need confronting. Though just try not to piss them off too much whilst doing so, otherwise you really will want to be washing everything before you use it.
dspadres 0
Not the teatowel!!!
broke_otaku 3
now you know to wash everything before use
Gotdirt 0
Kick her outtt.