Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML
Today, I rented a holiday cottage, assuring the owner I was a very tidy person. Then I sliced my finger while cooking and got blood on the kitchen towels and the cream rug, then the wound opened up again during my shower, I didn’t notice and now there’s blood on the white bathroom towels. FML
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML
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Top comments
wombatkid 0
Ewwww!!!!!!!
mexicantumblewee 0
that's sick. you should make him eggs and scratch your sack with the spatchula
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Comments (59)
freaky_farzy 0
that's just gross!
3_Kitten_3 0
that is ******* gross! I say you "casually" drop her toothbrush in the toilet, then "casually" place it back in the holder.
lumi_fml 0
Is the skewer for making shrimp on the barbie, mate? (OP is Australian)
ohSNAPyall 27
Aussies say "prawns," not "shrimp."
Tootsiee 0
Where was the blister? :) lol jp jp fly because this probably isn't the first time, just the first time you've caught him. :)
ohSNAPyall 27
Agreed. TIME TO MOVE.
protwtf 0
I long for your ******, just as Elton John longs for penis in his ass.
sugarbabyxoxo 2
I pictured this in my head and almost puked.
CallMeHush 1
Might I suggest rewashing stuff just before you use it? I also suggest that you go absofuckinglutely crazy on your roomate ass and make sure it never happens again.
MQ_was_here 0
You are disgusting. And on some pedo juice.
alexFYL 11
Oh god. Now you're going to have to wash everything before the next time you use it. If you wash it now, s/he'll just grody it up with her body juices again, so might as well take it one at a time.
lloydmonster 1
makes me wonder what your roomate does that you don't witness