Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML
Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML
Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML
Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML
Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman who sits at the desk beside me looks over and says, "Wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML
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Top comments
poeticvibez07 0
that's what you get for being so damn cocky
plethora 3
You flashed your eyes? Can you teach me how to do that? Be handy for finding friends in dark pubs - "Just look for the flashing eyes".
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Comments (79)
plexico 4
Even the nicest blue eyes fail to impress when surrounded by a frame of pustulating, red zits. They completely saw that your "gentleman" act was a fraud. What do you mean you BEGAN to act like a gentleman? Did you catch your drool, stuff your tongue back in your head and unclutch your turgid weiner as you walked toward them?
ChronicFAIL 0
:O ! You shouldn't say you hate blue eyes! Whats next?? Jews? Blacks??? :P
ChronicFAIL 0
Heyhey!! I moderated this one. It did look familiar... O_o
Amysbodybetrayal 0
I still fail to see it. I think brown eyes look wonderful! Maybe it's just me, but they remind me of chocolate, not shit. And fluttering eyelashes just looks kinda stupid. My friend and I will flutter our eyelashes at each other as a joke because we know how dumb we look when we do that.
FromCFL 0
They probably figured you were gay, what with all the acting & eye-flashing & all, & so assumed you'd have info on the hotties....
machete_fml 0
correct answer: of course. (and carry on with the conversation)
timtam24 0
haha yeah my friends and i do that to. If OP did the fluttering eye thing he would've looked like the biggest dick.
satanstoystore 0
this is not an fml. she gave you important feedback. your idea of attracting women 1) doesnt work and 2) isnt their idea. you also avoided getting complicated with a shallow, thoughtless bitch. this is a win. now learn to flirt!
Amysbodybetrayal 0
Hahah the friend that flutters his lashes with me is a guy, and he looks kinda creepy when he does it. xD Not a great way to pick up chicks, in my opinion.
romanalcocer 0
ok then amy, what is a good way to pick up chicks?
Amysbodybetrayal 0
Try giving them compliments. Talk with them, sound like you're interested in them, and not just hooking up.