Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for going through her closet for some warmer clothes. She had a rant about taking her clothes without her permission, all while wearing a pair of my boots and one of my sweaters. FML
Today, I spent the morning with my estranged mom to try and mend some fences. In two hours she managed to insult me 56 times on subjects such as my career, outfit, husband, children, hairstyle, and so on. Plus she “forgot her purse” so I had to spend £80 for the privilege of being insulted. FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML
Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML
Today, my mother told me she thinks it is time for me to move into my own place. I agreed with her and went to look at studios/flats online. She later came into my room, saw me looking at places and then got pissed off at me, saying that I hate her for wanting to leave her. FML
Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML
Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML
Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML
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Top comments
carOLinneeeeeee 8
Your mum needs to get over herself.
RoseBlack123 37
And that's why you don't visit her again
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Comments (72)
jasdanu 12
She seems overly concerned with herself
perdix 31
To me, it sounds like a fake excuse. She's really saying that although you haven't been to visit in years, that hasn't been long enough.
Dracoboxer357 36
Forget about her, Op. If she's more concerned about her colour matching decor than her daughter, you don't need someone that shallow in your life. Tell her to give you a call when she gets her priorities straight. :p
chocolatefrog28 29
At least you made the effort to try and visit. If she wants to be batcrap crazy and rude, good riddance.
olpally 33
What a crazy bitch. Stupid reason to kick your own daughter out. Good, don't ever see her again, op.
isabellasimone 18
Man, must've been difficult to grow up in that house!
etishuman22 32
Is your mother Barbara Streisand? She went through a kick a couple years back where everything that touched her had to be white. She performed on Oprah and they couldn't use her special white microphone and stand, so they painted one of Oprah's white. Oprah was pissed!
Grauncho 27
I think it's fair to say her carpet does in fact match the curtains.
etishuman22 32
You sir, have the wits I wish I had. I, am a lowly blondie. My comebacks have never been what they could have been. Again, congrats!
etishuman22 32
Hey, I was being genuine. Why do I always get downvoted for being genuine?!
Grauncho 27
It's pretty difficult to determine what's genuine and what's sarcasm on the internet. Since most people are inclined to be sarcastic on the internet, your comment was taken as such by some people. Thanks for the compliment though.
etishuman22 32
You're welcome. I'm seriously not good at one liners. Yours was so good I had to say something!!!
EverdreamOfMe 24
How uncloth of your mother.
Enslaved 38
Should have completely stripped. Everything matches with nude. :P
olpally 33
I'm gonna have to try that method^ lol.