Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
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Comments (113)
le_miserable 5
For OP's sake, hopefully no older than 5...
Cristianma 13
I would kick him back into the pool, and make sure he lands on his own turd.
buddahchron 1
It is your fault lol
jw90 18
Understandable if he's only a child. But if he's in his teens that's troublesome.
captainjaffa 7
understandable??? i'm lost for words!
Bano360 25
I want to know how high the diving board is. If it was a high one then it would have had some serious splash.
BobbieH 19
If he's old enough to get up on the diving board he's old enough to know better and know that is not acceptable. I think you might want to evaluate the way you are raising your son. You both should be ashamed over this incident.
skyeyez9 25
This FML definitely needs OP to do a follow up!
Migole 36
Maybe drop him at a babysitter next time and tell him the whole time how you're now going to pool ALONE because he doesn't know how to behave and then tell him for days how awesome it was (maybe choose one with super fancy waterslides and stuff and take pictures). Passive/aggresive punishment?
skyeyez9 25
My daughter responds to having her internet and tv privileges taken away now that she is a little older. She hasnt needed to be spanked since she was about 3, and even then it was only needed a few times (safety issues like running right into the street without looking). She hasn't done anything really bad, but if she did I will use the "work horse" punishment: make her mow our 6 acres with the push mower vs john deer riding mower, weed the garden, organize the storage room....etc
emilyjgraham 34
If the son was that young OP should have been watching him intensely. Anything could happen. Even something as simple as the kid running in excitement, slipping and landing in the pool.