Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Norja 33
That is so gross. I feel sorry for everyone else who was in the pool FTLs
olpally 33
Caddyshack!! DOODY!!
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Comments (113)
happyhead123 16
"This is the biggest toilet I've ever seen. And a weird shaped seat too...oh well, I guess this is my final potty training exam."
tygerarmy 35
How old is your son? And why is he allowed to scream at you? What the deuce?
rosenkrieger223 24
Damn straight. If I'd pulled a stunt like that when I was a kid, my parents would've whooped my ass so bad I'd have PTSD afterwards. And screaming at them like that would've only compounded the well deserved punishment.
xmlguy 14
Ain't that some shit
punkyboy 11
if I were you I would dump him in his room and make him feel really shitty about what he did
GrayGoblin 6
What a turd.
twinkiefeets 17
I found your comment hilarious, I wish I could thumb it up more than one.
BlissfulLiss 18
How old is your son?
BlissfulLiss 18
Not that him being a small child would make it acceptable but at a certain age and beyond you have to wonder how he rationalized doing something like that is okay.
kayteakay 26
Time for some serious punishment.
strike2867 13
If your son is that stupid you have to keep him on a leash. He could have fallen off that board and hurt himself.
AboveAll04 14
milk, milk, lemonade around the corner fudge is made !
rokolodo 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I say bring back the 60's when a good smack would straighten out any kid, teenager or even young adult.
monnanon 14
oh you mean the 60s when anyone and everyone thought they could smack your kids? i do agree that sometimes you need a little smack for young kids while they are still learning boundries but that is thr parents or guardians job not some random in thr street.