Kids: Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles... - FML

20/07/2016 00:28 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 706

You deserved it 4 215

Walk the line

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Walk on the wild side

20/05/2015 16:17 - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 2 258

28/10/2013 20:18 - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 302

You deserved it 3 467

10/05/2012 22:20 - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 331

You deserved it 2 328

24/10/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 512

You deserved it 2 795

Amazon addict

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 176

Influencers know no bounds

By nope - 29/03/2020 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 143

25/02/2011 12:17 - Egypt

Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 787

You deserved it 5 502

13/03/2013 04:57 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 628

You deserved it 17 459

15/07/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 665

You deserved it 27 185

08/11/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 132

You deserved it 8 016

15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 200

You deserved it 4 472

04/01/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 198

You deserved it 2 959

Hangry

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 22:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom has two workbenches in her basement. They are so cluttered, they have all but disappeared. Now that she’s actually building something, she just uses the chest freezer as a workbench. I’m hungry and my dinner is in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 77

14/11/2015 16:23 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 089

You deserved it 12 084

Creepy

By Dummy - 10/11/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 16 004

06/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 946

You deserved it 22 531

23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 915

You deserved it 2 293

28/10/2009 19:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 364

You deserved it 38 023

26/02/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 909

You deserved it 52 874

05/02/2009 15:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 917

You deserved it 53 179

02/03/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 591

You deserved it 44 418

12/02/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, while shopping in the baby department at a local department store, a woman approached me asking when I was due. I told her that I was due in 4 months. I lied. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 807

You deserved it 28 851

21/04/2015 02:42 - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 597

07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 116

You deserved it 3 186

10/09/2012 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 993

You deserved it 6 607

13/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 5 863

04/10/2011 05:22 - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 794

You deserved it 44 004

24/10/2013 19:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for well over an hour while riding it up to my weight and fitness class. Very funny, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 966

You deserved it 9 450

26/09/2018 03:00

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 528

You deserved it 350

07/03/2016 22:47 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, we were notified that our office will be relocated. Employees can tag along but their wages will not be adjusted accordingly. The cost of living at the new place is way higher. I have to finish my contract and really can't afford to not have a job right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 593

You deserved it 1 228

24/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 61 803

17/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 030

You deserved it 3 707

09/01/2015 11:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 139

You deserved it 2 687

Preferential treatment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 95

14/10/2010 02:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 17 572

Cheeky little bastards

By weeping_willow - 01/06/2020 08:00

Today, the kids that live down the street had a yard sale in my yard while I wasn’t home. They sold a bunch of my daughter's toys, that I now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 156

28/05/2017 08:00 - United States - Concord

Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 279

24/08/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 389

You deserved it 5 329

22/06/2019 20:04

Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn’t unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 1 484

14/11/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my husband bought a new 80-inch TV. Not only can we barely afford it, but it also blocks our doorways no matter where we put it. He refuses to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 4 010

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Top comments

drpepperking10 18

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 18:59

It's generally a rule of thumb not to fart in the pool for this reason.

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 19:47

This sounds very embarrasing so fyl. Also on a side note why is everyone getting downvoted?

Comments

LostInTheZone11 28

Wednesday 20 July 2016 18:49

While it may not have worked in this case because you had to be close to your son, I've learned you dive deep into the pool to release it if you can't get out in time.

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 22:55

This shouldn't be downvoted?...

TheEpicKitten 20

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 18:59

This is kinda petty. Really though, no one actually cares if you fart in a pool

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Saturday 23 July 2016 1:26

Um. I kinda do.

drpepperking10 18

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 18:59

It's generally a rule of thumb not to fart in the pool for this reason.

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Thursday 21 July 2016 1:00

What is she supposed to do? Jump out of the pool, let out a big, wet-sounding fart on the deck in front of everyone and then jump back in? I think everyone would've called her the fart monster at that point.

drpepperking10 18

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Thursday 21 July 2016 19:16

Clench her cheeks.

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 19:09

People fart, why do you care? Should have just laughed it off and chased your sin around, threatening to fart on him. Now if you shit yourself in a pool, then you'd have a problem fart monster.

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 19:13

^^son

nonsensical 26

Thursday 21 July 2016 2:53

Sin, son... What's the difference? Muahaha

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 19:29

Be thankful there were not any floaties. Couldn't imagine a worse public swimming situation than over trusting a toot in a pool.

BreM16 23

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 19:46

That's why you don't fart in pools.

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 19:47

This sounds very embarrasing so fyl. Also on a side note why is everyone getting downvoted?

Elban 20

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 20:00

Should have started roaring and tossing kids like Godzilla!

khadishja 12

Thursday 21 July 2016 1:00

my dad did this once and I called him "the bubble maker" for two days.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 317

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 69