Health: Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch...

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 324

You deserved it 802

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 35 763

By CheeseMonsters - 24/01/2010 12:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 3 439

No pain, no gain

By What's neck't? - 01/11/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, on this edition of me getting pimples in painful or uncomfortable places, I got a huge one on the side of my neck. I never thought that simply turning my head would be such a horrendously painful task. Also, the afflicted area of my neck suddenly itches like crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 111

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 28 487

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 851

You deserved it 4 148

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 636

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 9 126

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 210

You deserved it 11 264

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 2 200

Watch out for them slappers

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 14:01

Today, my medium-sized poxer dog was sitting on my lap. He shook his head, managing to slap me in the face with his ears three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 284

mcaisse77 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:16

So you scratch it with your foot?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:17

I'm sure she'll quit when it no longer amuses her. That could be 15-20 years because that shit is funny af!!!

Comments

mcaisse77 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:16

So you scratch it with your foot?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:17

I'm sure she'll quit when it no longer amuses her. That could be 15-20 years because that shit is funny af!!!

awildwhisper 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 5:13

You can't control scratching yourself?

coming back in the future 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:28

woof woof

TyBootleg1499 4

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

alvarny 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 8:31

if she throws a stick, do you fetch?

lilchica22001 22

Tuesday 31 January 2017 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Humanoidfreak 5

Tuesday 31 January 2017 10:33

shaggy dog is that you??

Robert Knighton 5

Tuesday 31 January 2017 11:21

The real question is do you start to drool when she rings a bell?

TheBroCodeBros 15

Tuesday 31 January 2017 13:02

Are you sure you're from Alberta and not "Scratchawan"

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The Top

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 536

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 116

You deserved it 3 104

The Top

Today, I told my housemate I was moving out, giving 5 weeks notice. She decided she’d move out too and told the landlord, who gave us 2 weeks notice. I have to pack a house worth of stuff while working full time. She's a uni student who owns a bed and two bookshelves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 586

You deserved it 333

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 209

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 462

You deserved it 2 718

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 4 416

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 730

You deserved it 2 404

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 816

You deserved it 266