Health: Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch...

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 309

You deserved it 793

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 358

You deserved it 35 747

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 841

You deserved it 4 142

By thedogkisser - 06/06/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 090

You deserved it 84 177

By Nerrh - 12/03/2011 10:53 - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 229

You deserved it 33 623

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 28 616

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 5 270

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 805

You deserved it 28 449

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 11 250

What the actual…?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 22:00

Today, my friend bit me. The first time I said "Ow!" and pushed her away. The third time really hurt, and I got mad and said, "Don't fucking bite me!" and walked away angrily. She chased after me and told me I couldn't be mad at her, then got mad when I wouldn't talk to her. She didn't say sorry once and it started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 101

By Puppylove - 26/02/2013 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 10 273

mcaisse77 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:16

So you scratch it with your foot?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:17

I'm sure she'll quit when it no longer amuses her. That could be 15-20 years because that shit is funny af!!!

Comments

mcaisse77 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:16

So you scratch it with your foot?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 4:17

I'm sure she'll quit when it no longer amuses her. That could be 15-20 years because that shit is funny af!!!

awildwhisper 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 5:13

You can't control scratching yourself?

coming back in the future 30

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:28

woof woof

TyBootleg1499 4

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

alvarny 17

Tuesday 31 January 2017 8:31

if she throws a stick, do you fetch?

lilchica22001 22

Tuesday 31 January 2017 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Humanoidfreak 5

Tuesday 31 January 2017 10:33

shaggy dog is that you??

Robert Knighton 5

Tuesday 31 January 2017 11:21

The real question is do you start to drool when she rings a bell?

TheBroCodeBros 15

Tuesday 31 January 2017 13:02

Are you sure you're from Alberta and not "Scratchawan"

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Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 971

You deserved it 1 881

Today, I received a message on a dating app. It was the girl I'd always wanted to marry, but who disappeared from my life when we were younger. She went on and on about how much she missed me... and how much she wanted me to meet her husband and 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 407

You deserved it 458

The Top

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 576

You deserved it 35 698

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 027

You deserved it 36 842

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 546

You deserved it 19 450

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 205

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 4 310

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 698

You deserved it 3 954

Same thing different taste

Fight or flight

Doggy dog world

What the actual…?

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