Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
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Top comments
EvilUndead 9
Well, if he took a hot bath, warm water would make it easier to peel off.
flockz 20
i once heard from a monk that female saliva will just take the tape adhesive right off. trust him, he's a monk.
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Comments (96)
harrieslinger 17
Tell him to grow some balls
UnluckyGenius 21
I got excited seeing "Grandmom" thinking troll granny was about to score again. But it's just tape on nuts, I mean who doesn't do that? Completely normal.
JadeWalker 14
Your grammer sucks.
morgiepuff 14
And you spelled grammar wrong. Your point is...?
daydreamer244 13
It sounds like you'll have to be the man in that relationship.
world_on_fire 4
lame.
SWC_Penguin 17
I know you included his age to sort of say "he should be more mature by now," but in this cases I have to say that's pointless because there is no age where this would have been understandable!
simplysarcastics 26
Age doesn't make people become immune to stupidity. Just whatever you do don't reproduce with an idiot. I wouldn't have not helped him either.
Zimmington 21
So... you would help him?
simplysarcastics 26
Lol you know what i mean ;)
perdix 31
Why is your age relevant?
apinon246 3
I was thinking the same thing. Who cares how old she is.
suri23 11
And he did this, why?
ohSNAPyall 27
He already testied it; that's the problem!